The Role of the Christian Man
“Where are all the good men these days?”
I'm sure you've heard this question at some point in your life, and perhaps even asked it yourself. The answer is complicated, not so much by a lack of one as it is by the answer being uncomfortable. You see, the good men are still out there; they are just in the minority, driven underground by a fiercely feminist society.
As I've explored in previous posts, feminism is the tool Satan has used to destroy societies the world over, whether pagan or Christian, and the death knell of any society is when women achieve social and political equality with men.
It's easy to look at that and go, “Women are the problem!” but we have to be careful not to do that because the answer is the exact opposite of that.
Women are not the problem; men are.
Sure, women rejecting their role and sinning is absolutely wrong, but that’s not what leads to a society capable of collapse. A society that is capable of collapse had a singular thing happen long before the final death knell of women gaining equality came about.
Men took a step back from their role and became weak.
In Christian societies, this also meant they stopped seeking God and His Way with a fire in their belly. Men quit being men of character, they quit putting the needs of others ahead of their own, and they quit caring for and protecting the weak and vulnerable.
Did you know that throughout most of modern American history, from the time of the great revival until just a few years ago, the majority of people who are considered to be Christian or religious are women?
The statistical number of women vs men who attend church means that for the last 150 years or more, women have been the drivers of religion in America. The state of the American church is largely due to this one fact, not because women have been attending church and pushing religion, but because men haven't.
Men have been largely absent from a discussion of religion until very recently.
God’s Way is Patriarchal, and without men leading and driving it, it twists and crumbles until it’s barely recognizable. All through the Bible, you have it passed from father to son, addressed to men, and practiced mainly by men. When this is not the case, the result is what you see today, a weak and feminine church.
So what caused this change?
You see, up until recently, the brand of Christianity and the form of Jesus being preached was very feminine, and no guy wants to join and follow a man who looks like a woman. Men seek and follow strength, not femininity.
No man wants to become a woman either.
Then recently, the truth about who Jesus was and who a man is according to the Bible has begun to be preached by many men, which has drawn men to the faith in droves. Men hearing the haunting call of a challenge, a war, something bigger than themselves, and someone bigger and more manly than they themselves could ever be.
The ultimate Man, the ultimate Warrior, wants to have a relationship with me, and I call Him Father and He calls me His son?
That’s the God of the Bible, and that’s the sort of God a man can follow.
The weak and feminine portrayal of Jesus that is so popular has done more damage to the ability of the Church to disciple true followers and warriors than I think we may ever realize. We are given many pictures of God in the Bible, and they are always masculine in nature. To strip that away is to remake God in a different image, and that sort of god is one only women can follow. It’s not even satisfactory for them to follow either, because they, too, need the strong and masculine figure that God portrays Himself as.
The rediscovered and vital truth is, you don’t have to become feminine and give up manliness to follow Jesus; quite the opposite.
You need every bit of your masculine strength to follow Jesus!
You won’t get very far toward being a true man if you reject it.
The Way is a masculine journey, a battle, a war with many foes, and it’s a war every man is being called to partake in. We must fight for the faith, and if necessary, die for it. We have a high calling to spread the Truth, pass it on to our sons, and stand strong in the might of our God.
When we look at modern data and the evidence of our own eyes, we see that men taking a step back and letting women take the lead got us to where we are today. It’s nothing new, however, because the first time this happened was in the Garden of Eden.
You see, Adam abandoned his role, took a step back, and let his wife lead, which resulted in the fall of humanity.
A Helper to Care For
In the very beginning, God made Adam and placed him in a garden to tend and care for it. God, in His wisdom and mercy, knew Adam couldn’t do this alone, so He made a helper for him. He gave Adam some specific instructions regarding a certain tree, and then apparently left them alone for a while.
What happens next is where men first became passive and allowed someone else to do what they were supposed to do, which is lead.
Genesis 3:6 NKJV - So when the woman saw that the tree [was] good for food, that it [was] pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make [one] wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate.
Genesis 3:12 NKJV - Then the man said, "The woman whom You gave [to be] with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate."
Genesis 3:17 NKJV - Then to Adam He said, "Because you have heeded the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree of which I commanded you, saying, 'You shall not eat of it': "Cursed [is] the ground for your sake; In toil you shall eat [of] it All the days of your life.
God rebukes Adam for this, and later, we see for sure that it is because of the man’s actions that sin entered the world, not because of Eve’s. Both sinned, but it was Adam’s sin that brought it into the world.
1 Corinthians 15:21 NKJV - For since by man [came] death, by Man also [came] the resurrection of the dead.
1 Corinthians 15:22 NKJV - For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ all shall be made alive.
Romans 5:12 NKJV - Therefore, just as through one man sin entered the world, and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men, because all sinned--
Romans 5:13 NKJV - (For until the law sin was in the world, but sin is not imputed when there is no law.
Romans 5:14 NKJV - Nevertheless death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over those who had not sinned according to the likeness of the transgression of Adam, who is a type of Him who was to come.
Romans 5:17 NKJV - For if by the one man's offense death reigned through the one, much more those who receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ.)
Adam was the one held responsible for the sin that occurred, not Eve, and this is because of what his role was supposed to be. We also see that he sinned with open eyes, whereas the woman ate of the fruit after being deceived. Adam failed to stand up, and so humanity fell.
1 Timothy 2:14 NKJV - And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression.
A lack of masculinity led to the fall of humanity, and a lack of a Man filling his God-given role. The same male passivity has brought us to where we are as a society today, and if it doesn’t change, it will lead to the collapse of the Church.
If the men are on point, then the women will follow, which makes the masculine role the most important one to be living and teaching, since that will change the entire shape of the Body of Christ.
Women cannot fill this role, and to have them pseudo fill it, whether through teaching or leadership roles over men, “outside of services,” will end in disaster, because women cannot model masculinity. If they are trying to fill the masculine role, women cannot be “on point” enough for other women to follow them, let alone men.
God designed things a certain way, and for us to think we know better, or that it’s okay to make exceptions here and there, is pretty stupid.
Now, what is this role, and what does the Bible have to say about it?
If you’ve already read the structure of marriage link, then you know what the basic shape of the two roles is supposed to look like. In this post, we are going to dive deep into the man’s role and explore just what the Bible has to say about being a man.
Before you read this, the post Context Matters is important background information for this one. The entire Bible is a book directed toward men and how we are supposed to be living our lives. It’s a masculinity manual, from beginning to end.
There are two parts to a man’s role: the first being his mission from God, and the second deals with his marital relationship, whereas a woman’s role deals almost entirely with her marital relationship and her relationship with other women in the Assembly.
That is her godly mission.
We find the first mission given to men in Genesis when God tells Adam to tend the Garden and be fruitful and multiply, making more children to follow God’s Way.
Genesis 2:15 NKJV - Then the LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it.
Genesis 2:16 NKJV - And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, "Of every tree of the garden you may freely eat;
Genesis 2:17 NKJV - "but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die."
God knew man would not be able to do this on his own, and a pet wasn’t going to cut it, obviously.
Another man wouldn’t be adequate either, so God made something way better and gave Adam a helper who was a counterpart to his own nature.
Genesis 2:18 NKJV - And the LORD God said, "[It is] not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him."
Genesis 2:19 LSV - And the man calls names to all the livestock, and to bird of the heavens, and to every beast of the field; but for man a helper has not been found as his counterpart.
The word that says this helper is his counterpart is quite interesting, because as we’ve gone through in other places, the word for helper means one who helps. It can be used to describe a king helping his people, or the people helping the king. It does not describe rank in any way, shape, or form; it describes a function.
The Greek word used in the LXX is Boethon, or literally, one who runs to give aid when called. Boe is “cry out,” and thon is “run.” The word put together means “assistance offered to meet a need,” and “one who runs to give aid when called.”
The word for comparable, here, describes what this helper will be.
It’s not going to be an animal, since those were found not to be comparable; it’s not going to be another man either, since that would be the same nature.
It is going to be someone very special, someone who will help Adam accomplish the mission given to him by God.
נֶגֶד neged
What is conspicuous or in front, always as adverb or preposition in front of, in sight of, opposite to
κατ᾽ αὐτόν
Corresponding to him / according to him / suitable for him
The function of being a comparable helper does not determine rank, status, or value, as we have already discussed. The best description of what this word means is “part opposite,” and it is basically a being who corresponds to his own nature, who is able to stand before him as his helper. A matched pair, in other words, someone who is matched to his own nature, but who is opposite to him, like looking into a mirror.
She was given to Adam as a gift, presented to him by God, to give him aid in his divine mission. It’s important to understand this because it has a great deal to do with the part of our role that relates to our wives.
The word neged has a little more depth than the Greek word, and where the Greek word simply means corresponding, or according to his nature, the Hebrew word means before, in the presence, or in front of. We’ll look at a couple of places it is used to get a better idea of what this word means.
Exodus 19:2 NKJV - For they had departed from Rephidim, had come [to] the Wilderness of Sinai, and camped in the wilderness. So Israel camped there before the mountain.
Numbers 25:4 NKJV - Then the LORD said to Moses, "Take all the leaders of the people and hang the offenders before the LORD, out in the sun, that the fierce anger of the LORD may turn away from Israel."
Deuteronomy 31:11 NKJV - "when all Israel comes to appear before the LORD your God in the place which He chooses, you shall read this law before all Israel in their hearing.
Joshua 8:35 NKJV - There was not a word of all that Moses had commanded which Joshua did not read before all the assembly of Israel, with the women, the little ones, and the strangers who were living among them.
1 Samuel 15:30 NKJV - Then he said, "I have sinned; [yet] honor me now, please, before the elders of my people and before Israel, and return with me, that I may worship the LORD your God."
You can see from these examples how it also carries the meaning of “in the presence of” and “to be before” someone or something else. Before the mountain, or before God, not in a temporal sense, but in a positional sense, much like we would say we are going before the courts in our modern world. It means to stand in front of them for a specific purpose, for judgment or service, unless you are standing in front of an object.
Notice what it says in Exodus 19 when it says Israel camped before the mountain. The word is the same one we have been discussing, but even here it means coming before the mountain for judgment. This is the mountain of Yahowah, and they are coming into His presence to receive His law, judgments, testimonies, and His covenant.
They are about to swear fealty and service to Him forever.
Exodus 19:2 NKJV - For they had departed from Rephidim, had come [to] the Wilderness of Sinai, and camped in the wilderness. So Israel camped there before the mountain.
They appeared before God to serve Him, and they stood in His presence to be His spiritual wife. When we run this information back to Genesis chapter 2, we see something very interesting emerge. We see men stand in the presence of God to serve Him and bear His image in representational authority, and women being put in the presence of men, being made to stand before men as their helper.
It gets even more interesting than this.
Below are the two words used for Adam and Eve and the way God made them. Adam is fashioned, while Eve is built, and Adam is literally brought to life with the breath of God, but Eve lives because she shares in the life given to Adam.
יָצַר Yasar
Form, fashion
וַיִּבֶן֩ Bana
Build
Eve was built out of Adam, for Adam, and given to Adam as a helper who shared his nature and could stand before him. God took part of Adam and built Eve, and the Greek word in the LXX is fascinating, creating one of the most enduring themes in the bible.
Οἰκοδομέω
To build a house. Erect a building
Where do we find this same exact Greek word used?
It’s used of the Bride of Christ, which was literally built out of the blood shed for us from the side of our Messiah!
1 Peter 2:5 NKJV - you also, as living stones, are being built up a spiritual house, a holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.
Ephesians 2:19 NKJV - Now, therefore, you are no longer strangers and foreigners, but fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God,
Ephesians 2:20 NKJV - having been built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ Himself being the chief corner[stone],
Ephesians 2:21 NKJV - in whom the whole building, being fitted together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord,
Ephesians 2:22 NKJV - in whom you also are being built together for a dwelling place of God in the Spirit.
The creation account creates an incredible picture of the spiritual reality that is coming, and just as in the spiritual, when God fashioned the first marriage covenant, He presented Eve to Adam as her Father.
Genesis 2:22 NKJV - Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.
Eve was God’s gift to Adam, and today, so is every wife God gives to His sons.
Eve is our most valuable helper and our most valuable aid in accomplishing God’s mission for us.
Protect and Provide
Part of our role is caring for and protecting this valuable helper, especially because she is Satan’s prime target. She is an easier target, just as we are an easier target than Jesus, but she is supposed to be behind our spiritual protection.
She’s a weaker vessel, and she is more susceptible to deception. We aren’t supposed to lord this over her, but it’s a reality we as men must be aware of so we can respond appropriately. What this doesn’t mean is that our wives are spiritually illiterate. They were given to help us, and they have very valuable insight spiritually that we need to listen to.
What it does mean is that they can be more easily influenced by false teachers, so we need to be careful who our wives are listening to.
We are the spiritual filter.
I’m not saying we can’t be deceived either; we can, but it’s more difficult for us. The stronger protects the weaker.
What is important is that where Adam failed to stand and protect his wife and accept responsibility when God asked him what happened, we must not fail.
We’ve got to show up!
Notice who God addresses in the section below, and notice who He asks the question of first.
Genesis 3:9 NKJV - Then the LORD God called to Adam and said to him, "Where [are] you?"
Genesis 3:10 NKJV - So he said, "I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself."
Genesis 3:11 NKJV - And He said, "Who told you that you [were] naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you that you should not eat?"
Genesis 3:12 NKJV - Then the man said, "The woman whom You gave [to be] with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate."
Adam blames his wife instead of accepting the responsibility for his role as the leader. He blames his wife for the predicament, even though it was his job to keep them out of it in the first place. God gave him the instructions, put him in charge, and held him accountable when they failed.
1 Timothy 2:14 NKJV - And Adam was not deceived, but the woman, being thoroughly deceived, fell into transgression.
Adam did what he did knowing it was wrong and thus brought sin into the world, while on the other hand, Eve was thoroughly deceived and thus sinned. Satan got to Adam through Eve, and ever since then, the easiest way to cause the collapse of men, the Church, and society, is through women.
The roles are the way they are for a reason, but they aren’t there for domination or to look down on women.
If men are doing their job, the women are under their protection, and they are not left wide open for attack, but sadly, few men recognize the need for this level of protection and instead despise their wives. We are supposed to protect them to the point that we give our lives for them, which is why we were given the strength we have been given, but all too often we use this strength for abuse and our own selfish ends rather than in sacrifice.
The fall of man was Adam’s fault, and it’s our fault as men today when things are going poorly. It’s literally our job to lead the way and set the standard, both physically and spiritually, but all too often we’re content to sit back and let the women do it.
Protecting those we love, the weak, those who have no one to stand for them, and God’s way is one of the primary aspects of the role God has given to men.
Luke 22:36 NKJV - Then He said to them, "But now, he who has a money bag, let him take [it], and likewise a knapsack; and he who has no sword, let him sell his garment and buy one.
We find this aspect in the very first mission given to Adam when God places him in the Garden.
Genesis 2:15 NKJV - Then the LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it.
שָׁמַר
Keep, watch, preserve, and protect
The aspect of guarding the garden is the exact aspect that the translators of the LXX brought out in the Greek word they chose.
Φυλάσσω BDAG
To carry out sentinel functions, guard, protect by taking careful measures, to be on guard.
Part of what Adam was supposed to do was protect the Garden, and when his wife was given to him, she came under that umbrella. Obviously, he didn’t protect her like he was supposed to, but men still bear that responsibility to this day, which should be obvious.
Nehemiah 4:14 NKJV - And I looked, and arose and said to the nobles, to the leaders, and to the rest of the people, "Do not be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, great and awesome, and fight for your brethren, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your houses."
The speech Nehemiah gives here is my favorite in the Bible, and he emphasizes exactly who these men are fighting for: their families.
A man cannot be a man if he is not willing and able to fight for and protect those under his care, especially the members of his own household.
Part of providing is being able to protect them, and as Paul says, the man who doesn’t provide is worse than an unbeliever, having denied the faith. In other words, such a one will not enter the kingdom of God!
1 Timothy 5:8 NKJV - But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
Part of our job as men goes beyond protecting our family and extends to the Way of God. It’s our job to protect and preserve it for future generations exactly as the Bible delivers it. We are the caretakers, the guardians of God’s Way, and keeping it as close to the original as possible is our divine mission.
Genesis 18:19 NLT - I have singled him out so that he will direct his sons and their families to keep the way of the LORD by doing what is right and just. Then I will do for Abraham all that I have promised."
The word “keep” here is the same as the one we looked at earlier, and it is the same word used in this next verse.
Genesis 3:24 NKJV - So He drove out the man; and He placed cherubim at the east of the garden of Eden, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to guard the way to the tree of life.
Genesis 18:19 could very well read, “I have singled him out so that he will direct his sons and their families to guard the way of the LORD by doing what is right and just. Then I will do for Abraham all that I have promised."
Abraham was a man who guarded, preserved, and passed down God’s instructions and Way of life to his sons, and they, in turn, kept that sacred duty and passed it to their sons, and their sons passed it on to their sons. It’s the same cycle commanded to the Sons of Israel in Deuteronomy.
Deuteronomy 6:6 NASB95 - "These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart.
Deuteronomy 6:7 NASB95 - "You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.
Paul instructs Timothy, whom he calls his son, to guard what was committed to him.
1 Timothy 6:20 NKJV - O Timothy! Guard what was committed to your trust, avoiding the profane [and] idle babblings and contradictions of what is falsely called knowledge--
It’s an ongoing process, and all it takes is a single generation that falls down on this to cause His Way to become corrupted and pass away. It requires careful guarding and preservation for it to continue on in Truth. If a single generation falls, it’s likely all the generations after will as well.
That’s basically the history of Israel in a nutshell, really.
They stop passing God’s Way down to their sons; they cease to be guardians of it, and God is forgotten in a single generation. It really happens that quickly.
Being able to defend one’s family against whatever evil might come, whether physical or spiritual, is an absolute requirement for those men seeking to follow Yahowah.
If this role of protection is abandoned, these men have denied the faith.
Protecting and preserving God’s way is part of this role, and protecting others falls right in line with both of these things. Protecting the weak and the innocent from those who seek to do them harm is a responsibility of godly men.
Proverbs 24:11 NKJV - Deliver [those who] are drawn toward death, And hold back [those] stumbling to the slaughter.
Proverbs 24:12 NKJV - If you say, "Surely we did not know this," Does not He who weighs the hearts consider [it]? He who keeps your soul, does He [not] know [it]? And will He [not] render to [each] man according to his deeds?
We are supposed to be ready to stand and defend those who need it, especially those of the faith and of our own household. The reason we are supposed to be able to do this is because, as men, we are made in the image of God, and we are to be like Him.
Here is what we are told about the one we are to be like.
Exodus 15:3 NKJV - The LORD [is] a man of war; The LORD [is] His name.
Yahowah is a man of war, and we are to be like Him. We are to be warriors, ready and able to fight and defend our families, and if necessary, to lay down our lives and die for them.
We are to be men of war.
Strength and Courage
We don’t have to join the military to be capable of this, and while whatever we can do to prepare ourselves and be ready to stand and fight is a good thing, it is the Lord who gives victory, and it is He who gives us the strength and skill to overcome evil.
Psalm 144:1 NASB95 - [A Psalm] of David. Blessed be the LORD, my rock, Who trains my hands for war, [And] my fingers for battle;
Psalm 144:2 NASB95 - My lovingkindness and my fortress, My stronghold and my deliverer, My shield and He in whom I take refuge, Who subdues my people under me.
To do this, men must be courageous, which is not an absence of fear, but moving forward and doing what is right in spite of the fear we feel. Even if we know we will suffer or die because of doing the right thing, we charge forward anyway.
2 Samuel 10:12 NASB95 - "Be strong, and let us show ourselves courageous for the sake of our people and for the cities of our God; and may the LORD do what is good in His sight."
We don’t pull this courage out of nothing; it is not out of our own resources that we show ourselves courageous. We have a mighty counselor, a mighty man of war, on our side who gives us the strength and courage to accomplish what we must.
Deuteronomy 31:6 NASB95 - "Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you."
Joshua 1:6 NASB95 - "Be strong and courageous, for you shall give this people possession of the land which I swore to their fathers to give them.
Joshua 1:7 NASB95 - "Only be strong and very courageous; be careful to do according to all the law which Moses My servant commanded you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, so that you may have success wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9 NASB95 - "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."
We have the ability to be courageous because God is with us and because He fights for us. We still have to wage war, but it is with Him as our shield and strong foundation. The courage to fight and the courage to preserve, defend, and stand up for the Word of God comes from His Spirit, not from our own resources.
The courage to do these things is not optional if we are to be men of God; it is an expected part of our character.
1 Corinthians 16:13 NASB95 - Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.
We stand firm in the faith, acting like men, and we do it with the strength God has given to us.
You don't have to be Eddie Hall to be strong, but you do need some amount of physical strength to care for and protect your family, and more importantly, you need mental and spiritual strength. Weakness is selfish if we are capable of becoming strong.
We can't be men without strength, and we need it to care for our helper.
Without the strength to stand up, be the man, and take the lead, it will leave our families leaderless and directionless.
Strength as a man is important for quite a few other reasons, which we’ll get into, but basically, you cannot be a man without mental and spiritual strength, and there are many aspects of being a man that you cannot fulfill without physical strength.
No sort of strength, whether mental, spiritual, or physical, is possible without discipline.
Discipline is most commonly seen in the Bible as self-control, and we cannot be disciples of Jesus without it. There’s a funny dichotomy about self-control, however, and that is this:
Self-control requires both something to control and a will to control it.
Power under control is an aspect of gentleness. The Greeks used the word to describe a tamed horse, powerful but obedient. Gentlemen are powerful but harnessed in obedience to God, that is, humble.
Power under control comes even more into play with the word self-control. Self-control is the word ἐγκράτεια.
Ἐγκράτεια
Restraint of one’s emotions, impulses, desires, and having them under control.
A strong man is not given to uncontrolled emotions of any sort, whether grief, anger, jealousy, or hatred. He disciplines himself.
1 Corinthians 9:27 NKJV - But I discipline my body and bring [it] into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified.
We die to ourselves and find our new life and purpose in our Master and Commander, Jesus. We put to death our flesh, take up our cross daily, and follow Him.
We are peaceful and self-controlled, not because we are weak, but because we have the strength to obey and follow Jesus, submitting our will to His.
The dichotomy is that a peaceful man is also a man capable of great violence.
Without strength and capability of violence, a man of self-control, peace, and gentleness is just a weak man incapable of doing the opposite of those things.
So, build strength, because God’s Way is not for the faint of heart. In our modern world of soft living, we have to actively seek out situations to develop our physical and mental strength. We have to take the difficult road.
Once upon a time, that was every day living, but the biggest test of mental toughness most of us face today is when the A/C on our car goes out during our daily commute to work. We live in a different world, and to become men of strength, we have to put in the work.
Care and Providing: The Two Spheres
1 Timothy 5:8 NASB95 - But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
Obviously, we want to provide for our family, even if it’s not a command from scripture. Some don’t provide, however, and those are the ones for whom this scripture is written. A man must go out and provide for his family, or if he is unable to do that (for reasons of physical disability), provide from home.
If a man stays home to take care of the kids, for no reason other than that’s what he wants to do, and his wife earns more than he does, and he lets his wife be the provider, he has denied the faith.
It’s that serious!
God doesn’t take it lightly when a man neglects his responsibilities to his own family, or when he abandons the role given to him. A man who does not work at something is empty and missionless. Since such a one has abandoned the faith, others should not be feeding or supporting such a man.
2 Thessalonians 3:10 NASB95 - For even when we were with you, we used to give you this order: if anyone is not willing to work, then he is not to eat, either.
2 Thessalonians 3:11 NASB95 - For we hear that some among you are leading an undisciplined life, doing no work at all, but acting like busybodies.
When we examine the man’s role, provision has two spheres, physical and spiritual.
If you have wealth and assets, then you need to attend to them; otherwise, they will fly away from you. Take care of your things, in other words, and you will be able to provide. Material provision requires material possessions, and material possessions require diligent management.
Proverbs 27:23 NKJV - Be diligent to know the state of your flocks, [And] attend to your herds;
Proverbs 27:24 NKJV - For riches [are] not forever, Nor does a crown [endure] to all generations.
Proverbs 27:25 NKJV - [When] the hay is removed, and the tender grass shows itself, And the herbs of the mountains are gathered in,
Proverbs 27:26 NKJV - The lambs [will provide] your clothing, And the goats the price of a field;
Proverbs 27:27 NKJV - [You shall have] enough goats' milk for your food, For the food of your household, And the nourishment of your maidservants.
If you are wise in managing your things, you will not use up everything at once. You will prepare, set things aside, and plan as best you can for the future.
Proverbs 21:20 NKJV - [There is] desirable treasure, And oil in the dwelling of the wise, But a foolish man squanders it.
Jacob carefully tended his flocks while living with his father-in-law and became very wealthy. Careful management, not going into debt, and not spending more than you earn are vital habits to learn before you get married. Make careful investments, plan ahead, and work hard so you can provide for your family and for others physically.
Spiritual provision requires a good example, a close relationship with God, and daily careful study of the Word of God.
Psalm 1:1 NKJV — Blessed [is] the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful; Psalm 1:2 NKJV — But his delight [is] in the law of the LORD, And in His law he meditates day and night.
You have to learn and practice before you can provide for others, and as with physical provision, you have to bring something in before you can send anything out.
Our good example is one of the most powerful tools we have as men, and part of that example is our name or reputation. If we have a bad reputation, people will not listen to what we have to say, they will not do business with us, and we will not be able to provide for those we must. A good name will open all kinds of doors if we are trustworthy and do what we say we are going to do.
Proverbs 22:1 NKJV - A [good] name is to be chosen rather than great riches, Loving favor rather than silver and gold.
A good name is worth more than material riches.
Family
So, where does this part of a man’s role come from?
Man was originally set to tend the Garden in Eden, but once he sinned, life got a whole lot harder.
Genesis 3:17 NASB95 - Then to Adam He said, "Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree about which I commanded you, saying, 'You shall not eat from it'; Cursed is the ground because of you; In toil you will eat of it All the days of your life.
Genesis 3:18 NASB95 - "Both thorns and thistles it shall grow for you; And you will eat the plants of the field;
Genesis 3:19 NASB95 - By the sweat of your face You will eat bread, Till you return to the ground, Because from it you were taken; For you are dust, And to dust you shall return."
Adam was literally sent to hard labor because of his sin, and we still carry that forward even today. As much as we might love our particular job, there is always some part of it that we hate. Some part of it causes us grief and toil. Yet, as men, it’s our responsibility to keep going no matter how hard it gets and provide for our families.
It’s on us to bring home the bread for the sustenance of our family, just as Jesus cares for the church. We haven’t looked at the comparison between Jesus and the church much yet, but it’s pretty eye-opening why the genders are the way they are when you realize men represent Christ and women represent the assembly. We’ll look at this more as we go along.
The care of a man’s wife and kids is on him.
It’s his responsibility, and no one else’s. He can’t pass that responsibility off to others while he slacks off or runs off to do whatever. He must do what he can to provide for the care of his own.
It’s not easy, but that’s why we were given greater strength.
Our role requires it, and providing for our family requires us to be strong, show up every day, and maintain our relationship with our Creator.
The goal is to not only take care of our immediate family but to lay up generational wealth as well. We should be endeavoring to build something for the generations after us to inherit and build on. A family fortune, a family property, and a family name. It’s not the most important thing, but it is something a good man is aiming for.
Proverbs 13:22 YLT - A good man causeth sons' sons to inherit, And laid up for the righteous [is] the sinner's wealth.
The difference is where this man’s focus is directed. Is it on himself, or is it on his grandchildren and great-grandchildren who have not yet even been born?
Who is he acquiring wealth for?
More than wealth, passing on our good name to our children through teaching them. Not just teaching them how to drive a car, work, or farm, but teaching them the way of God as well. That’s one of the most important parts of our role as fathers.
Ephesians 6:4 NKJV - And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
Spiritual instruction is by far the most important instruction we can give to our children, and it should be a daily practice. So not only do we provide for our families physically, we provide for them through instruction and spiritual teaching as well.
Others
Taking care of our own family is a noble and godly pursuit, something that should always come first. The care of our own family is at the top of our list of priorities, right after service to God.
Remember, whoever does not provide for his family has denied the faith.
It’s not optional, in other words.
Once we have provided for our own family, however, then we can look to providing for others who are not of our family, but who are our brothers. Once the brothers (and possibly sisters. That’s a bit of a trickier situation, and we’ll look at that more in a moment) are cared for, then we can look to the needs of those outside of the faith.
James 2:15 NKJV - If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food,
James 2:16 NKJV - and one of you says to them, "Depart in peace, be warmed and filled," but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what [does it] profit?
The brotherhood comes first, and it shouldn’t be at the feet of the government to take care of them, but that’s where we have placed this responsibility in modern times. It’s the responsibility of those in the Way to take care of our own, not the job of the government.
A lot of this comes from a misunderstanding of tithing, which then places the responsibility of caring for the brothers either on the leaders of the “church” or on the government, and neither one is correct.
It’s not on a governing body to care for the brothers; it’s on each individual man in the assembly, even in the old system of tithing.
Deuteronomy 14:28 NKJV - "At the end of [every] third year you shall bring out the tithe of your produce of that year and store [it] up within your gates.
Deuteronomy 14:29 NKJV - "And the Levite, because he has no portion nor inheritance with you, and the stranger and the fatherless and the widow who [are] within your gates, may come and eat and be satisfied, that the LORD your God may bless you in all the work of your hand which you do.
All the poor of the people of Israel could eat of this tithe, and it was brought by everyone who owned land or animals. They were to take care of their own.
We have the same instruction today, though it’s not a tithe.
If you walk with Jesus, it’s on you to take care of the brothers and sisters who need it.
1 John 3:17 NKJV - But whoever has this world's goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him?
1 John 3:18 NKJV - My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.
James 1:27 NKJV - Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, [and] to keep oneself unspotted from the world.
Once we have cared for those brothers who are in need, we can consider helping the poor and needy of the world around us, called the strangers.
Taking care of the poor, the stranger, and the widow can be as simple as just not oppressing them if we have the influence to oppress them. Don’t devise evil against them.
Zechariah 7:9 NKJV - "Thus says the LORD of hosts: 'Execute true justice, Show mercy and compassion Everyone to his brother.
Zechariah 7:10 NKJV - Do not oppress the widow or the fatherless, The alien or the poor. Let none of you plan evil in his heart Against his brother.'
If we ignore the poor, then when we cry to God for relief, He might not hear us either.
Proverbs 21:13 NKJV - Whoever shuts his ears to the cry of the poor Will also cry himself and not be heard.
However, all of this comes with one giant caveat.
If they are capable of working and they are choosing not to work, then you have absolutely no obligation to help them. In fact, supporting them at that point hurts them. They will not go to work as long as someone is taking care of them, and they are actively denying the faith.
2 Thessalonians 3:10 NASB95 - For even when we were with you, we used to give you this order: if anyone is not willing to work, then he is not to eat, either.
2 Thessalonians 3:11 NASB95 - For we hear that some among you are leading an undisciplined life, doing no work at all, but acting like busybodies.
Now, as for helping sisters, it depends on their status. If they are widows over the age of sixty, then helping them is of no issue, but the first responsibility falls to their relatives. If they are believers and not caring for this widow, then that needs to be addressed.
1 Timothy 5:3 NKJV - Honor widows who are really widows.
1 Timothy 5:4 NKJV - But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show piety at home and to repay their parents; for this is good and acceptable before God.
1 Timothy 5:5 NKJV - Now she who is really a widow, and left alone, trusts in God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day.
1 Timothy 5:9 NKJV - Do not let a widow under sixty years old be taken into the number, [and not unless] she has been the wife of one man,
1 Timothy 5:10 NKJV - well reported for good works: if she has brought up children, if she has lodged strangers, if she has washed the saints' feet, if she has relieved the afflicted, if she has diligently followed every good work.
1 Timothy 5:11 NKJV - But refuse [the] younger widows; for when they have begun to grow wanton against Christ, they desire to marry,
1 Timothy 5:12 NKJV - having condemnation because they have cast off their first faith.
1 Timothy 5:13 NKJV - And besides they learn [to be] idle, wandering about from house to house, and not only idle but also gossips and busybodies, saying things which they ought not.
The solution for young widows is either for them to marry, which is ideal, or to find a job and support themselves.
1 Timothy 5:14 NKJV - Therefore I desire that [the] younger [widows] marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
1 Timothy 5:16 NKJV - If any believing man or woman has widows, let them relieve them, and do not let the church be burdened, that it may relieve those who are really widows.
If a sister is in need, it’s her husband’s responsibility to provide for her, and if he is not doing so, that needs to be addressed. Next, it’s a widow’s relatives' responsibility, and if they are not doing so, that needs to be addressed. Finally, if she has no relatives, she must be a good Christian woman in order to be considered for the daily help from the church.
How we help and when we help are just as important as whether or not we help at all. Often, what’s needed is not physical provision but spiritual provision, and physical provision will actually harm them spiritually in the long run. As men of God, it is our responsibility to help and provide the appropriate sustenance.
Providing For One’s Wife
After God and before anyone else comes our wife, the most important person in our lives. She is the only one explicitly given to us as a helper who is comparable to us, and we must provide for her and prioritize her accordingly. Now, this does not mean finding out what she wants and making her every whim and desire come true. That’s basically being her slave and having her lead by proxy, with us being the proxy.
That’s not what I’m getting at at all.
We are supposed to provide for them, and it’s different than the way we provide for any other person, including our children. We have a duty to give happiness to our wives, not that we can make them happy, but we can give them our time, and that seems to be about the same thing.
Deuteronomy 24:5 NASB95 - "When a man takes a new wife, he shall not go out with the army nor be charged with any duty; he shall be free at home one year and shall give happiness to his wife whom he has taken.
That’s not something we are bound to give to any other person on Earth other than our wives. We should give them the time we can give them at every opportunity, and this sense of time and security is part of what we provide as husbands.
Provision is also a condition of the marriage covenant. If a man fails to provide for his wife, she can appeal to the elders of the congregation, and if it goes far enough and he still refuses to provide, the elders can order him to grant her a divorce.
Exodus 21:10 NKJV - "If he takes another [wife], he shall not diminish her food, her clothing, and her marriage rights.
Exodus 21:11 NKJV - "And if he does not do these three for her, then she shall go out free, without [paying] money.
The three basic things a man must provide are food, clothing, and marriage rights, which are also known as sexual relations. Sex is a debt owed to our wives, and it’s not something we can deny them without good cause, such as physical injury or some time to fast and pray to God. However, the Bible makes it very clear that we owe our wives sex.
1 Corinthians 7:3 NKJV - Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
Clearly, we are supposed to provide physically for our wives, through material needs and through sex, but there’s more to provision than that. It’s not just physical needs that need to be taken care of; there are also spiritual needs.
1 Corinthians 14:35 NKJV - And if they want to learn something, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is shameful for women to speak in church.
We are to nurture our wives and lovingly guide them in the Way of God, just as Christ does for the Bride. His instructions flow through us to our wives, just as they did in the Garden of Eden.
Spiritual Provision
As husbands and fathers, we set the spiritual tone and standard in our house. We are the guardians of the faith, no one else.
Titus 1:9 NKJV - holding fast the faithful word as he has been taught, that he may be able, by sound doctrine, both to exhort and convict those who contradict.
Job sanctified his entire house, acting as the priest for his household, praying for them, and presumably teaching them.
Job 1:5 NKJV - So it was, when the days of feasting had run their course, that Job would send and sanctify them, and he would rise early in the morning and offer burnt offerings [according to] the number of them all. For Job said, "It may be that my sons have sinned and cursed God in their hearts." Thus Job did regularly.
Finally, we have that famous quote from Joshua that demonstrates that as men, we set the tone for the family, the church, and the nation.
Joshua 24:15 NKJV - "And if it seems evil to you to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that [were] on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD."
If we are not passionate in our faith, if we are not on fire and zealous for the truth, heresy creeps in and rots the family and the congregation as a whole from the inside. We are the guardians, we are the spiritual doorkeepers, we set the example, and it’s time for us to stop passing that off to the women.
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