Rear Up a Child (Whoop His Butt!!)

 

The Goal of Marriage

An equal partnership in marriage works if your only goals are a happy union, peace, met needs, and companionship. 

If marriage has no higher purpose or mission beyond a sense of community, it can still work fairly well. Most would identify a peaceful marriage where all their needs are met, or where an effort is made to meet them, as a strong and happy marriage. 

People can have a marriage like this that lasts for 70 years, and it’s viewed as a success, but what defines success?

Is the goal of marriage simply to be happy and get along with each other?

Most people, especially Christians, would say that it absolutely is the goal of marriage to be happy, get their needs met, and all that jazz.

In fact, most of the marriages in the various Churches I have associated with have exactly that goal. 

A strong marriage means you’re connecting better, getting along better, and both parties are constantly yielding to each other with no one really in charge. 

For all intents and purposes, these marriages are just two friends who have sex and live together. 

How is it possible for two people to live together without one being in charge? 

Pretty easily, actually, in today’s world. 

The woman makes most of the decisions for the house (though the couple tries to trade off); they both work; they generally agree on how to raise the kids, then send them off to let their teachers raise them the rest of the time, and they put their extra energy into meeting each other’s needs. 

It all works quite nicely most of the time, because for whatever reason, men tend to be better at going along to get along than women are, so they’re more ready to abdicate their authority if a woman is pushy enough. 

Yes, these marriages work quite well if, and it’s a big if, there is no higher purpose or mission for marriage. 

The feeling of happiness is generally on the upswing, and since it’s the woman’s emotions that generally dictate the peace in the relationship, if she’s feeling happy, everyone is happy. 

A marriage like this is useless for anything beyond being a nice relationship.

Biblically, this is a barren marriage, a vessel useless for God’s purpose, and as such, a tremendous danger to the Church.

What is God’s primary physical and spiritual purpose for marriage?

Marriage is, as I have mentioned before, a tool for holiness, but that is not its main purpose in God’s original design for it. 

God’s original purpose for marriage is stated quite clearly in the command He gave to Adam and Eve: “Be fruitful and multiply, fill the Earth and subdue it.”

God then restates this high and set-apart purpose in His words to the prophet Malachi. 

Malachi 2:15 NKJV - But did He not make [them] one, having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.

God wants His family to grow; He wants the gospel to spread, and He wants His people to raise godly seed!

Out of the many purposes of marriage, including representing the relationship of Christ and the Church, God’s stated purpose for creating marriage and sex, the one-flesh union, is for the generation of godly seed, godly children. 

Marriage is primarily a vehicle for the conveyance of the gospel to the next generation.

That’s more important than perceived happiness, having needs met, or any number of other things that modern thought has attached to marriage. 

God’s design for marriage is a high and set-apart purpose, a tremendously important mission, and He has entrusted it to the men and women of the Church to carry it out. 

Any marriage that does not recognize the roles God has outlined in His Scripture will fail in this purpose.

Any marriage that refuses to have kids and does everything it can to avoid them, including chemical birth control, fails in its mission from God. 

I’m not saying children are the only purpose of marriage, for there are others that even those unable to have children can and do fulfill, but to refuse to have children is to rebel against the first recorded commandment. 

Genesis 1:28 NKJV - Then God blessed them, and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth."

Children are important beyond words to the plan of God, and they are His stated intention for marriage. 

If God has not yet opened your womb and blessed you with children, I pray He does so, but there are many other things He can task a marriage with in the meantime. 

I don’t mean at all to say that a marriage is automatically a failure if a couple is unable to have children, only if they refuse to have them. 

It’s like building an elite military unit and taking it on the road to do country music concerts. 

So, if God has not yet blessed your womb with children, there are other tasks for marriage, other high purposes, such as mirroring The Anointed and the Church, that you both can fulfill.

These are discussed in several other articles on this blog, so I won’t get into them here.

Having children, popping them out of the womb, is only the first step because God did not just want children; He wants godly children, children walking in His Way, in obedience to Him, and it’s possible to succeed in having children only to fail in this arena. 

There are three main areas of raising children in God’s Way, and we’ll go through all three in quite a bit of detail. 

1. Teaching

2. Correction

3. Nourishing

To be fair, all of these could be lumped together under teaching, but it would be harder to cover them this way, so I’ve broken them down into three categories. 

Modern thought has clouded the application of all of these topics, and they have completely redefined what the Bible has to say on each of them, which we’ll soon discover.

Teaching

In a society, whose job is it to teach children?

Is it a responsibility of the government or perhaps even the Church?

Not according to the Bible; teaching children is the most important part of raising them. 

Leaving the instilling of morals, values, knowledge, and character traits they’ll need for the rest of their lives to an entity with no values, morals, or character traits is a poor choice.

Institutions have no soul, conscience, or morals and are wholly incapable of providing education to those who do. 

God entrusted teaching children His ways to the fathers, and as the most important thing they could be taught, everything else is of lesser importance.

Parents are fully qualified to pass on to their children everything necessary for survival and thriving in the world we currently inhabit. 

The only special qualification they need is that of “parent.”

Psalm 78:5 NKJV - For He established a testimony in Jacob, And appointed a law in Israel, Which He commanded our fathers, That they should make them known to their children;

Psalm 78:6 NKJV - That the generation to come might know [them], The children [who] would be born, [That] they may arise and declare [them] to their children,

Psalm 78:7 NKJV - That they may set their hope in God, And not forget the works of God, But keep His commandments;

God expects parents to actually raise their kids and not hand off that responsibility to another, whether a person or an institution, and it’s a continuous command. It’s supposed to be something you are doing constantly, bringing them up in the fear of the Lord. 

Deuteronomy 6:6 NKJV - "And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart.

Deuteronomy 6:7 NKJV - "You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.

God says that if we do this, when our children are old, they will not depart from the instruction we have given them. 

Proverbs 22:6 NKJV - Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.

Education in math, science, and history is great, and they are subjects our children should be educated in, and there are so many resources to make teaching these subjects accessible to parents, even at a high school level. 

Lest you feel like your kids are missing out on a better education, modern school systems consistently fail to actually educate kids, and an extremely high number of children graduate high school completely illiterate, so the chances of your child receiving the best education they could possibly receive are better if you do it yourself. 

20% of graduating high school students are considered functionally illiterate, and 32% function below the basic level of literacy. Source.

Now, even if it were not the case that kids aren't learning anything in school, there is a tremendous amount of degeneracy in those brick buildings, even down to the elementary school level.

The average age for kids to lose their virginity is around 17, which means that there are a great many doing so far sooner, with many doing so as early as age 12. Source.

Kids are getting exposed to and experimenting with drugs and alcohol as young as age 11, exposed to pornography around age 12, and 1 in 7  have been exposed by age 10, and given sex education as early as age 7! 

Again, note that these are averages, which being an average means there have to be quite a few younger than this who are also doing and being exposed to these awful things, not to mention that they are being taught ungodly doctrines such as LGBTQ, evolution, and atheism. 

Even if none of this were the case, it is still the parents' responsibility to educate their own children, and to neglect such a high calling is to reject their duty as a parent.

However, since all of these things are occurring and that is the state of the modern school system, it is actually counter-Christian to choose to send one’s kids into such an environment! 

For one very good reason, too.

The state will not disciple your kids in God's ways. 

Would you send your kids to a brothel, an opium den, or a bar for an education?

You would not hand a stranger anywhere outside the school system eight hours a day, five days a week, for thirteen years, the formation of your child's soul, unless you had first decided the stranger shares your God and your beliefs.

Also, do not be deceived into thinking that your kids will go into public schools as evangelists or good examples to the other kids.

That may happen, but the opposite is far more likely to happen. Your children have not yet been fully trained for war, and you send them into the den of lions!

Proverbs 13:20 NKJV - He who walks with wise [men] will be wise, But the companion of fools will be destroyed.

1 Corinthians 15:33 NKJV - Do not be deceived: "Evil company corrupts good habits."

Even as I said, history, math, and science are all important subjects to learn; but they are absolutely meaningless in the grand scheme of what God has planned, and they pale in importance in comparison to learning God’s ways, law, and statutes. 

Those are the only things that will matter in the long-term, and they are subjects that get neglected when our children get sent to school! 

Children could go through life having only learned of the things of God and still have received a complete education and learned the only things of true importance. 

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that a child’s most important education is what they’re being taught in the classroom.

The most important things they can learn come straight from you, and failing to teach them those things is failing your children and your God-given duty. 

Correction

The recent trend of gentle parenting that got its start in the seventies, where parents no longer used corporal punishment to correct their children, has led to a cultural crisis.

It turns out, letting your children figure things out on their own, trying to reason with them, and using gentle punishments is actually a genuinely terrible idea. 

Who could have seen that coming?

Solomon, actually, saw it coming millennia in the past, and he wrote about it in his book of wise sayings known as Proverbs. 

Proverbs 29:15 NKJV - The rod and rebuke give wisdom, But a child left [to himself] brings shame to his mother.

There are two elements to biblical correction, and both of them are mentioned in that one verse. 

The first element is the rod, and the second is rebuke.

It’s really that simple. 

Notice there’s nothing about timeouts, removing privileges, having a talk, trying to reason with them, or anything else like that. The pattern given is to spank them and let them know why they’re being spanked with a rebuke, or word of correction, but they do not go separately. 

Children are foolish little people, and there’s not much that can be done to reason with them.

They have no impulse control, and it’s part of our job as parents to teach them to control their impulses, which a spanking does exceedingly well. 

Children are foolish. 

The solution? Whoop their butt!

Proverbs 22:15 NKJV - Foolishness [is] bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him.

Correction is supposed to be painful and unpleasant because it is saving the children from greater pain in the future if they haven’t learned vital lessons by the time they’re adults. 

Now, God also deals with us as sons, correcting and punishing us when necessary. We’re spiritual children, and when we start out in our walk, you could easily say foolishness is bound up in our hearts. 

I think that’s a fair assessment of Christianity in general, and new believers specifically. 

So, God has to train us, and He does so as a father does his child. The author of Hebrews says some very interesting things in this regard, even going so far as to say that if God does not correct and chasten us, then we’re illegitimate sons.

We’ll see Solomon say something similar here shortly. 

Hebrews 12:7 NKJV - If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten?

Hebrews 12:8 NKJV - But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons.

The word chastening is extremely interesting because it refers to the entirety of a child’s instruction, from teaching to punishment to nurturing. 

Παιδεία paideia

The whole training and education of children (which relates to the cultivation of mind and morals, and employs for this purpose now commands and admonitions, now reproof and punishment)

BDAG adds: in our lit. chiefly as it is attained by discipline, correction.  

Hebrews 12:9 NKJV - Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected [us], and we paid [them] respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live?

Hebrews 12:10 NKJV - For they indeed for a few days chastened [us] as seemed [best] to them, but He for [our] profit, that [we] may be partakers of His holiness.

Hebrews 12:11 NKJV - Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Chastening is not pleasant according to Hebrews; it is painful. It’s supposed to hurt, in other words. What’s more, discipline, spanking, is the mark of a father who loves his children, as Hebrews says, and as Solomon says. 

Proverbs 3:12 NKJV - For whom the LORD loves He corrects, Just as a father the son [in whom] he delights.

A father who loves his children will spank them, so the opposite must also be true. A father who hates his children will treat them as illegitimate by not spanking them.

Proverbs 13:24 NKJV - He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly. 

If you say you love your children, but you do not spank them, you are lying, according to Solomon. He just called you a liar!

Now, why would that be?

Discipline through physical pain is essential to a child growing up properly, and if they do not have that, they will turn out rotten. 

One reason is because of the foolishness bound up in their hearts; another is because pain creates a memorable experience; and another is because God said so. 

God is super clear on this topic and gives us the two primary means to raise our children properly through verbal instruction and a ready rod of correction. 

Lest you think permanent damage will come from whooping their butt, Solomon is ready to reassure you, and again he ties correction to beating your child with a rod. 

Proverbs 23:13 NKJV - Do not withhold correction from a child, For [if] you beat him with a rod, he will not die.

נָכָה

Smite, beat

שֵׁבֶט

Rod, staff, club, sceptre

Finally, to close out what the Bible has to say about spanking our kids, it will make them easier to handle for us as well. A well-disciplined child is a sweet aroma to his parents, and brings great honor.

Not only is discipline for their benefit, but it’s also for ours as well. 

Proverbs 29:17 NKJV - Correct your son, and he will give you rest; Yes, he will give delight to your soul.

For our part, we must heed our heavenly Father’s correction, and the times when He uses a rod of correction for us. We will heed it if we are wise, just as if we’re wise, we will also correct and spank our own children. 

Proverbs 12:1 NKJV - Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, But he who hates correction [is] stupid.

Solomon sure has a way with words!

With all of the good things the Bible has to say about spanking our kids, and the bad things it has to say about those who don’t (stupid, child-hater, etc.), it’s always surprising to me that spanking is a controversial topic among Christians, but it is. 

The general reason for this controversy has nothing to do with the Bible and everything to do with modern psychology, which claims terrible results come from spanking kids; it scars them for life (kind of the point), teaches them to hit, and other such terrible things like those. 

Psychology scares parents into thinking they’re going to permanently damage their kids, so they believe modern science over the Bible, which, while understandable, is always a poor choice (stupid, child-hater).

That being said, let’s look at some studies and see what they have found regarding spanking children, but before we do that, let’s look at one final aspect of spanking: the attitude of the parent.

Spanking is not supposed to be child abuse, and it’s supposed to be done, as we have seen, because the parent loves the child. That does not mean it won’t be painful to the child, because again, that’s the whole point, but it should not cause permanent physical injury. 

You are punishing out of love, not a desire to cause harm to your child!!!!

Psalm 103:13 NKJV - As a father pities [his] children, [So] the LORD pities those who fear Him.

A father must have compassion.

Colossians 3:21 NKJV - Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

Ephesians 6:4 NKJV - And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

A father must not provoke his children, disciplining just for the sake of disciplining, because the whole point of being a parent is to bring up our children in the training and fear of the Lord. 

Luke 6:36 NKJV - "Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful.

A father is mercifully loving, again, not spanking the children out of hate or anger, but because he loves them and desires what is best for them, which is to walk faithfully in the way of the Lord. 

David wrote an absolutely beautiful psalm about God’s Fatherhood and His fatherly traits, which will be the last one we’ll look at on this topic before it starts to bleed over into our next one. Think for a moment, though. 

We have kids murdering kids and their parents, young boys raping, murdering, and robbing, girls losing their virginity at absurdly young ages, and we live in a society that spanks less than any society in American history. 

A spanking society made us one of the greatest nations on earth, and we think we’re so much wiser than those men, let alone the Bible? 

Stupid is the only word that adequately describes that mindset. 

Psalm 103:8 NKJV - The LORD [is] merciful and gracious, Slow to anger, and abounding in mercy.

Psalm 103:9 NKJV - He will not always strive [with us], Nor will He keep [His anger] forever.

Psalm 103:10 NKJV - He has not dealt with us according to our sins, Nor punished us according to our iniquities.

Psalm 103:11 NKJV - For as the heavens are high above the earth, [So] great is His mercy toward those who fear Him;

Psalm 103:12 NKJV - As far as the east is from the west, [So] far has He removed our transgressions from us.

Psalm 103:13 NKJV - As a father pities [his] children, [So] the LORD pities those who fear Him.

Psalm 103:14 NKJV - For He knows our frame; He remembers that we [are] dust.

Psalm 103:15 NKJV - [As for] man, his days [are] like grass; As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.

Psalm 103:16 NKJV - For the wind passes over it, and it is gone, And its place remembers it no more.

Psalm 103:17 NKJV - But the mercy of the LORD [is] from everlasting to everlasting On those who fear Him, And His righteousness to children's children,

Psalm 103:18 NKJV - To such as keep His covenant, And to those who remember His commandments to do them.

That’s how we as fathers are to temper our correction and discipline with love, gentleness, and mercy. Our kids may not think we’re being gentle; it’s supposed to hurt, after all, but compared to what we are capable of, just as God is, it is very gentle. 

Look at how God fathers us, and we have a pretty good idea how we’re supposed to father our children. 

Don’t spare the rod.

The world might call such education “trauma,” but everything is trauma by their definition. It’s an overused word that has produced a weak society incapable of basic functioning because everything is traumatizing!

A spanking is supposed to be painful, and by being painful, it creates a memory of what is right and what is wrong, a moral imprint if you want to call it that. The same thing happens when you injure yourself by doing something stupid; if you’re smart, you won’t do it again!

A spanking functions the same way, because a wise child will learn from the punishment to cease doing that behavior, but a foolish child will stubbornly continue down the path of folly until the rod of correction drives it from them, as Proverbs says. 

God corrects us, and we would be stupid to call it abuse, yet we’re all too ready to call spanking our kids the way God has instructed us abuse or traumatizing. 

Is that any less stupid?

Something to think about.

Now for those studies I promised. 

The most significant empirical challenge to the "spanking is harmful" consensus comes from Dr. Robert Larzelere. His research repeatedly demonstrates that when corporal punishment is used as a backup to other disciplinary measures for young children (ages 2–6), it is often as effective, or more effective, than time-outs or reasoning alone. Source.

While Ferguson’s work is often cited by critics, a nuanced reading shows that the effect sizes for "spanking" (defined narrowly) are frequently so small as to be statistically negligible when compared to the vast impact of genetics, socio-economic status, and peer influence. This suggests that the alarmist narrative surrounding spanking is driven more by ideological bias than by objective, replicable clinical harm. 

Ferguson demonstrates that once you adjust for confounding factors like existing behavioral problems, SES, and family stability, the "detrimental" effects attributed to spanking disappear or become statistically meaningless. Source.

If you read through these studies and the replies other researchers have made, you'll notice that they're constantly saying something along the lines of, “You’re wrong because you failed to account for this or you failed to take this thing into consideration.” 

Well, what about failing to account for the Bible? 

Researchers can come up with all sorts of findings when it comes to psychological matters, and it's really up to the researcher what their conclusion will be based on what they want to consider as evidence. 

I must confess, I really don't understand this trend among Christians where science is held as the authority when it’s found to be contradictory to the Bible—but it's nothing new. 

Back when evolution began to take root, Christians all reinterpreted the Bible to arrive at a solution matching what science was saying at the time, and now that science has "disproven" much of what it was saying, the Bible is having to be reinterpreted yet again so it matches science. 

Christians side with science instead of the Bible or decide that their understanding of the Bible must be the problem if science is contradicting it! 

Science can easily be wrong, and often is.

That's what makes it science!

It's someone’s best guess based on the evidence they have and the knowledge they have gathered; it's not absolute truth the way the Bible is!

When science contradicts the Bible, especially pseudoscience like psychology, it's science that is wrong, not the Bible.

Sure, this puts me and many other Christians in the minority position going “against science,” but that's not such a big deal because science is just making a guess. 

The Bible is not guessing, and we rely on it absolutely. 

Personally, I'm confident to stand here and look at the pseudoscience of psychology and declare, “You are all wrong!” 

Why? Because God, through His infallible Word, says so!

Psalm 119:98 NKJV — You, through Your commandments, make me wiser than my enemies; For they [are] ever with me.

Psalm 119:99 NKJV — I have more understanding than all my teachers, For Your testimonies [are] my meditation.

Psalm 119:100 NKJV — I understand more than the ancients, Because I keep Your precepts.

Nourishing

Nourishing a child is so closely linked with correction and teaching as to be almost inseparable, but there are some things that we have not covered yet that will fit nicely in this category. 

Obviously, you should feed your children. Hopefully that goes without saying, but making sure they have healthy, chemical-free food is important as well. 

Most nourishment of a child takes place at the heart and mind level, and the food they need the most is food for the soul. Time, attention, teaching, love, and interaction are all ways to nourish a child’s soul. 

Giving your children things is important as well, though it doesn't have to be often or expensive. My daughter is just as happy with a 98-cent shovel as she would be with a 1000 dollar cellphone, and she'll get much better use out of the shovel.

Matthew 7:11 NKJV — “If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!

Finally, don’t despise your children. 

I know that's probably pretty obvious, but it can be easy to fall into a habit of despising people, and that can be extended to our children. Our children are gifts from God, little gardens where we want to grow vegetables and pluck out the weeds, and that is our main task as parents. 

We must plant the seeds and water with the Word of God and pluck out the weeds that also spring up, such as bad manners, anger, malice, selfishness, and jealousy. 

In that way, there is a great deal of freedom and creativity that every parent can use. 

While some things are commands, such as spanking, teaching and raising your own children, not being harsh, and the other things we have gone over, nourishing our children, how we go about teaching them, and how we show them love is going to look different for each father. 

God has given us much freedom in how we raise our children and nourish them into sons and daughters of God, and the biggest help He has given us is His Spirit. He has set the certain things we must do, but beyond that, He gives us freedom to parent; He just expects us to actually parent and not leave it to someone else. 

I want to finish with Psalm 23, a description of how God nourishes us as His beloved children, a perfect picture of the Father as shepherd of his household.

Psalm 23:1 NKJV — A Psalm of David. The LORD [is] my shepherd; I shall not want.

Psalm 23:2 NKJV — He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters.

Psalm 23:3 NKJV — He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake.

Psalm 23:4 NKJV — Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You [are] with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

Psalm 23:5 NKJV — You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over.

Psalm 23:6 NKJV — Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me All the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the LORD Forever.

How do we practice this psalm to nourish the soul of our children?

That's up to us, but it's an excellent psalm to contemplate when we think about how God fathers us and how we should in turn father our own children. 

Modern dads are absent or take a back seat to mom, as made popular by Disney movies, but all you have to do is watch the news to see how well that turned out for society. 

Don’t be a Disney-dad, be a godly shepherd of your family!

Finishing Up

The original intent for marriage is that the union produces offspring brought up in the teaching and fear of the Lord. As we have seen, God has left many of the specific details up to us, but there are certain things He has commanded us to do and practice when it comes to raising our children. 

There are certain things that are not a choice or up to each set of parents, and hopefully this article made some of those things clearer. 

With spanking far from being labeled as abuse in the Bible, one could make a very good case that the real abuse is refusing to spank, sending your kids to public school, and allowing them to be exposed to the tremendous evil in the world before they are ready. 

The public school system is an attempt by the state to seize the only part of your child that matters: their mind. 

They own your child through their indoctrination, but by returning to the God-given role of father, you take back what God has given you and raise them at home in His ways. 

Proverbs 20:30 NKJV - Blows that hurt cleanse away evil, As [do] stripes the inner depths of the heart.

According to the Bible, if you don’t want your kids to grow up into murderers, thieves, and liars, whoop their butts, teach them the ways of God, invest your time, energy, and resources into them, and they will be a joy.

The world calls such teaching “trauma,” but biblically it is a moral imprint made through temporary pain, an awakening of their mind and conscience to what is right and moral under the law of God. 

Psalm 127:3 NKJV - Behold, children [are] a heritage from the LORD, The fruit of the womb [is] a reward.

We've been given a tremendous honor, burden, and gift in the children God has given us, so let's treat it as such and serve our Heavenly Father by raising them in His ways to be His servants.