Did You Hear What Happened to Bill?
When things happen without us really having to think about them, we don’t tend to pay them much mind. We flip a switch, and the lights come on without us ever considering the electricity that flows through the walls to make it possible.
Our heart was designed to beat automatically, our skin was designed to grow without management, and our stomachs were designed to nourish us without us even having to spend a single thought on it.
There is, however, one part of our body that we tend to think of as automatic, a natural part of the way we function, and we are inclined to handle it as something that is beyond our control. We treat it as though it will do what it will do, and we can't do anything about it.
It is very much in our power to control, however, and we must make every effort to do so if we are to call ourselves Children of God.
The organ in question is the tongue, and it is capable of being controlled, though it is a great struggle for most of us to do so, because even if the tongue is silent, it is active in our own minds.
Brett has written extensively on a particular kind of speech we are supposed to avoid, which is called reviling, and you can find his first post on that topic here.
Today, we are going to look at another use of the tongue, one which goes hand in hand with reviling and is, in fact, one of the most common uses for reviling: gossip.
Everyone has either gossiped, felt the harmful effects from being gossiped about, or listened to gossip and enjoyed it. Oddly enough, it’s never gossip when we are practicing it, only when others practice it against us, which we greatly despise.
We all know someone we would consider a gossip, and we avoid them because we know that anything we do in front of them or anything we say to them will simply be ammunition for them to talk about us behind our backs.
Gossip is pretty unpleasant to be on the receiving end of, but it’s a great deal more harmful than simply being unpleasant, as we’ll see.
So what is gossip according to the Bible?
We have the original commands against it given in the Torah, so we’ll look at those first. No word specifically means “gossip,” but there are plenty of other words that carry a similar idea.
Exodus 23:1 LSV You do not lift up a vain report; you do not put your hand with a wicked man to be a violent witness.
The first command given that deals with our topic has to do with circulating a false report. In other words, if you can’t verify the truth of a report, a story of someone or something else, don’t repeat it!
The same word for report is used in the following verses, indicating exactly what a report is.
Genesis 29:13 NKJV - Then it came to pass, when Laban heard the report about Jacob his sister's son, that he ran to meet him, and embraced him and kissed him, and brought him to his house. So he told Laban all these things.
Numbers 14:15 NKJV - "Now [if] You kill these people as one man, then the nations which have heard of Your fame will speak, saying,
Deuteronomy 2:25 NKJV - 'This day I will begin to put the dread and fear of you upon the nations under the whole heaven, who shall hear the report of you, and shall tremble and be in anguish because of you.'
A report is a story carried by a person and told to another about something or someone else. We can gather from this that when we are being told a story about someone else, whether for good or bad, we don’t repeat it unless we have personally verified the truthfulness of that story!
We don’t repeat hearsay, in other words!
I’m serious!
There’s a reason it is tied into being a false witness in the very same verse, and that’s because repeating a report we haven’t personally verified can quite easily make us into a false witness. Based on this, we can break down the sort of speech we are to avoid as gossip into 5 categories.
1) Gossip (whispering/tale-bearing): secretly sharing another person’s faults or affairs in a way that is not loving or necessary (Proverbs 16:28; 18:8). 2) Slander: speaking falsely or maliciously to damage another’s reputation (Psalm 101:5; Proverbs 10:18). 3) Backbiting: speaking against someone behind their back with criticism or harm (Romans 1:30; 2 Corinthians 12:20). 4) Reviling: openly insulting or verbally abusing someone with harsh or abusive speech (1 Corinthians 6:10; 1 Peter 3:9). 5) Meddling/busybodiness: involving oneself in others’ affairs without right or need, often stirring strife (1 Timothy 5:13; 1 Peter 4:15).
How Do We Handle Rumors?
We see exactly how we are supposed to handle rumors of great sin in Deuteronomy.
Deuteronomy 13:12 LSV When you hear someone in one of your cities, which your God YHWH is giving to you to dwell there, saying,
Deuteronomy 13:13 LSV Men, sons of worthlessness, have gone out of your midst, and they force away the inhabitants of their city, saying, Let us go and serve other gods (which you have not known),
Deuteronomy 13:14 LSV then you have inquired, and searched, and asked diligently, and behold, if truth, the thing is established; this abomination has been done in your midst—
Deuteronomy 13:15 LSV you surely strike the inhabitants of that city by the mouth of the sword, devoting it and all that is in it, even its livestock, by the mouth of the sword.
The sin here is idol worship, but the principle would apply to any rumor of terrible sin. You have to be able to prove it by the mouth of two or three witnesses in order for the matter to be established. People couldn’t be convicted on the basis of rumor and hearsay.
Deuteronomy 19:15 LSV One witness does not rise against a man for any iniquity and for any sin, in any sin which he sins; by the mouth of two witnesses or by the mouth of three witnesses is a thing established.
You have to have at least two witnesses to establish the facts of a matter, but woe to that one who bears false witness and tries to get a brother or sister falsely punished!
Deuteronomy 19:16 LSV When a violent witness rises against a man to testify against him apostasy,
Deuteronomy 19:17 LSV then both of the men who have the strife have stood before YHWH, before the priests and the judges who are in those days,
Deuteronomy 19:18 LSV and the judges have searched diligently, and behold, the witness is a false witness who has testified a falsehood against his brother,
Deuteronomy 19:19 LSV then you shall do to him as he devised to do to his brother, and you shall put away evil out of your midst,
Wow!
How many cases have you heard of today where women have falsely accused men of raping them, and then those women get away scot free?
These verses are God’s answer for how such things ought to be handled. The one who falsely accuses to get another punished will have the same punishment handed out to them. If you bear false witness, you will be punished with the same punishment.
The result of this is that those who are left will fear to bear false witness and stand against the life of their neighbors.
Deuteronomy 19:20 LSV and those who are left hear and fear, and do not add to do according to this evil thing in your midst anymore.
Deuteronomy 19:21 LSV And your eye does not pity—life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot.”
So, repeating a false report is forbidden, and the only way you can know for sure whether or not it is false is by searching out the matter yourself, and if you don’t want to do that, then you just let it drop, and you do not repeat the matter to anyone, or you run the risk of bearing false witness.
Next, we have a command in Leviticus not to slander among our people, and again, it is tied in with standing against the blood of your neighbor.
Leviticus 19:16 LSV You shall not go slandering among your people; you shall not stand against the blood of your neighbor; I am YHWH.
Next, we are not allowed to hate our brother; rather, we are commanded to go to him and reprove or rebuke him if he is sinning. We’ll see where Jesus reinforces this idea in His time on Earth here in a moment.
Leviticus 19:17 LSV You shall not hate your brother in your heart; you certainly reprove your fellow, and do not permit sin on him.
Finally, we are forbidden from taking vengeance, and we are forbidden from even holding grudges or harboring anger toward our brothers and sisters.
Leviticus 19:18 LFV You shall not take vengeance, nor keep a grudge toward the sons of your people; and you shall love your neighbor as yourself; I [am] YHWH.
Back to verse 16, what exactly is slander?
רָ×›ִיל rakil
Slander, carry tales
The term denotes a person who traffics in information with malicious intent—one who circulates rumors, exposes secrets, or foments distrust. While often translated “slanderer,” “gossip,” or “talebearer,” the underlying idea is not mere speech but speech weaponized against covenant community, motivated by self-interest or malice. Source
Webster’s 1828 dictionary defines slander as follows:
SLA'NDER, noun
1. A false tale or report maliciously uttered. and tending to injure the reputation of another by lessening him in the esteem of his fellow citizens, by exposing him to impeachment and punishment, or by impairing his means of living; defamation. slander that worst of poisons, ever finds an easy entrance to ignoble minds.
2 Disgrace; reproach; disreputation; ill name.
SLA'NDER, verb transitive To defame; to injure by maliciously uttering a false report respecting one; to tarnish or impair the reputation of one by false tales, maliciously told or propagated.
So slander is usually false, but it is circulating rumors, especially with the intent to cause harm or damage to another person; weaponized speech, as the topical lexicon puts it.
It is important to note that such people will NOT be in the Kingdom of God.
Psalms 15:1 LSV A PSALM OF DAVID. YHWH, who sojourns in Your tent? Who dwells in Your holy hill?
Psalms 15:2 LSV He who is walking uprightly, ? And working righteousness, ? And speaking truth in his heart.
Psalms 15:3 LSV He has not slandered by his tongue, ? He has not done evil to his friend; And he has not lifted up reproach ? Against his neighbor.
Psalms 15:4 LSV A rejected one is despised in his eyes, ? And he honors those fearing YHWH. He has sworn to endure evil, and does not change;
Psalms 15:5 LSV He has not given his silver in usury, ? And has not taken a bribe against the innocent; Whoever is doing these is not moved for all time!
However, most of what we might consider to be gossip isn’t shared with the intent to cause harm, and it might even be true. Perhaps the person who started the rumor intended to cause harm, but most of those repeating the tale don’t want to hurt anyone; they're just getting the juicy gossip.
Proverbs 18:8 AMP - The words of a whisperer (gossip) are like dainty morsels [to be greedily eaten]; They go down into the innermost chambers of the body [to be remembered and mused upon].
Proverbs 18:8 LSV The words of a tale-bearer [are] as self-inflicted wounds, "" And they have gone down [to] the inner parts of the heart.
The sense in this section is that while gossip might be readily received, it poisons us from the inside out. So is there harmless gossip?
True Gossip?
First, we are only supposed to repeat things that are true, and this will prevent false and injurious rumors from circulating. I remember when my wife and I were looking to get married, several false and hurtful rumors circulated around that simply could have been avoided if those who heard the rumor had come to us for clarification and to hear the truth of the matter.
I have been on both the circulating and receiving ends of such rumors, so I know what it feels like to be in both places. If we simply follow the instructions given in the Bible, such rumors disappear.
So the first qualification before we repeat a matter is to ensure that what we are repeating is the absolute truth that we have confirmed ourselves. Not hearsay, not probably true, but absolutely without a doubt the truth.
Now, even if something is true, should we repeat the matter?
Well, repeating a matter about someone else generally implies that they are not present at the time the matter is being discussed. There are several issues with that, which we will get into in a moment, but the other type of item that might be addressed is simply an event that occurred.
Jessica got married, for example, and by simply sharing the news of life events, it does not cause harm.
Gossip is always a secret matter that is being shared (see the kinds of speech defined above), or talking about others for the purpose of feeling morally superior or wagging the head at what happened to them, because we think that such a thing would never happen to us. Making fun of others, in other words, and injurious speech, either to another's reputation or character.
“Did you hear what happened to Bill?”
“No! What happened?”
“His wife left him because he was drunk all the time.”
“Really? What a loser!”
“I know, right?”
This turned from news sharing to injurious speech at the moment these two passed judgment on poor Bill. Rather than condemning him as a loser, a more appropriate response would be to immediately pray for Bill to repent if such a matter is true, and then go to him to confirm the matter and start the process of restoring Bill to a state of spiritual wholeness.
We will talk more about this in a moment, especially about how to specifically deal with a brother who is reported to be sinning. There's also more information in this post here.
The damage such injurious speech can cause, however, is tremendous and simply cannot be overstated.
Proverbs 11:12 LSV Whoever is despising his neighbor lacks heart, ‖ And a man of understanding keeps silence.
Proverbs 11:13 LSV A busybody is revealing secret counsel, ‖ And the faithful of spirit is covering the matter.
A faithful man conceals what he hears (in cases of sin, he must confront his brother) and does not repeat the matter.
Proverbs 16:28 LSV A contrary man sends forth contention, "" A tale-bearer is separating a familiar friend.
Gossip can separate even the best of friends, but that requires someone to listen to the gossip in the first place.
Don't Even Listen!
Proverbs 17:4 LSV An evildoer is attentive to lips of vanity, "" Falsehood is giving ear to a mischievous tongue.
Proverbs 17:9 LSV Whoever is covering transgression is seeking love, "" And whoever is repeating a matter "" Is separating a familiar friend.
Proverbs 26:20 LSV Fire is going out without wood, "" And contention ceases without a tale-bearer,
21 Coal to burning coals, and wood to fire, "" And a man of contentions to kindle strife.
22 The words of a tale-bearer [are] as self-inflicted wounds, "" And they have gone down [to] the inner parts of the heart.
Proverbs 26:22 NKJV - The words of a talebearer [are] like tasty trifles, And they go down into the inmost body.
In other words, if you listen to gossip, you are a fool.
Why would this be?
In Proverbs 26:22, the sense of the word is to gobble greedily, and it goes down into the inmost parts of the body. One reason for the confusion is that this is the only place in the Bible where this word is used, and it bears some resemblance to an Arabic word that means to wound. That's why it's translated two completely different ways.
However, the takeaway is that it's something that tastes good going down, but it's like poison on the inside and causes grievous wounds. So if you are listening to gossip, it's wounding you even though it tastes good. Kind of like most so-called food these days.
The reason it hurts you, even if it is about someone else, is that it starts to bend your mind toward that person. Even if you aren't sure if it's true or not, doubt begins to take root in your mind like a slow-growing weed. It plants the seeds that will enable future conflict, and it kills communication between brothers and sisters.
That's one reason why contentions cease when there is no talebearer, because communication and trust are able to operate at full capacity. Gossip, he said, she said, tales, slander, reviling, and all such things will only lead to the destruction of the Body.
We are forbidden not only from listening to such speech, but from starting it in the first place.
James 4:11 LSV Do not speak against one another, brothers; he who is speaking against a brother, and is judging his brother, speaks against law, and judges law, and if you judge law, you are not a doer of law but a judge.
12 One is the lawgiver, who is able to save and to destroy; you—who are you that judges the other?
Such speech is not even fit to be named among us when we are gathered together. Coarse jesting, foolish empty talk, and filthy speech are all supposed to be replaced by thanksgiving and discussing the things of God.
Ephesians 5:3 LSV and whoredom, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, do not let it even be named among you, as is proper to holy ones;
4 also filthiness, and foolish talking, or jesting—the things not fit—but rather thanksgiving;
5 for you know this, that every whoremonger, or unclean, or covetous person, who is an idolater, has no inheritance in the kingdom of the Christ and God.
Becoming like God, the entire purpose of this Earthly exercise, involves putting off the things of the flesh and putting on the things of God, and one of those things we put off is slander.
Colossians 3:5 Put to death, then, your members that [are] on the earth—whoredom, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and the covetousness, which is idolatry—
6 because of which things comes the anger of God on the sons of the disobedience,
7 in which you also—you once walked, when you lived in them;
8 but now put off, even you, the whole—anger, wrath, malice, slander, filthy talking—out of your mouth.
9 Do not lie to one another, having put off the old man with his practices,
10 and having put on the new, which is renewed in regard to knowledge, after the image of Him who created him,
Put Off, Put On
We are to put on the things of God and put off and avoid empty and ungodly speech, which is exactly what slander is, even if it is about true matters.
2 Timothy 2:15 LSV be diligent to present yourself approved to God—a workman not ashamed, straightly cutting the word of truth;
16 and stand aloof from the profane vain talkings, for they will advance to more impiety,
Those who practice such things are worthy of death and will not see the kingdom, and those who listen to gossip and delight in it will be dragged down right along with them!
Romans 1:29 having been filled with all unrighteousness, whoredom, wickedness, covetousness, malice; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil dispositions; whisperers,
30 evil-speakers, God-haters, insulting, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,
31 unintelligent, faithless, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful;
32 who the righteous judgment of God having known—that those practicing such things are worthy of death—not only do them, but also have delight with those practicing them.
Why would this be so worthy of death?
What could possibly be wrong with discussing someone’s sin when they aren’t present?
Let us return to the main issue with talking about people behind their back, which was raised a few paragraphs prior. The main issue with talking about people behind their back is that they are not there to defend themselves.
We will presently learn that this is directly contrary to the way Christians are to handle matters of this sort. The reason we are not supposed to talk about people behind their back and spread whispers, even if they are true, is that genuine sin is an extremely serious matter!
Genuine sin will keep someone out of the kingdom of God, and it’s not a matter that should provide entertaining discussion among believers, especially about their own brothers and sisters!
Talking about them behind their back does nothing to remedy their sinful state, and it certainly does not restore them to righteousness!
They aren’t even there to answer the accusations being leveled against them in private, even if they are true. Such a thing is an abomination to God, and we should not even listen to such talk!
Restore Such a One in Meekness
Instead, there is a correct response to be given when someone tries to engage in gossip with us. If it’s not a matter of dealing with sin, and it’s simply glorying in another's trials or them doing things differently than we would ourselves, then we ought to mind our own business.
1 Peter 4:15 LSV for let none of you suffer as a murderer, or thief, or evildoer, or as a meddler into other men’s matters;
9 And concerning the brotherly love, you have no need of [my] writing to you, for you yourselves are God-taught to love one another,
10 for you do it also to all the brothers who [are] in all Macedonia; and we call on you, brothers, to abound still more,
11 and to study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you,
12 that you may walk properly to those outside, and may have lack of nothing.
That’s the simplest solution when talk of such things is brought up, and there is the temptation to put others down. We simply ignore it and change the subject, minding our own business.
Now, let’s suppose that a rumor of a genuine sin is brought up. How should we respond?
Well, as we saw in Deuteronomy, we search it out to determine whether or not it is actually true, but not for the purpose of repeating it or having a juicy bit of gossip to spread, rather, for the purpose of restoring such a one to righteousness!
Galatians 6:1 Brothers, even if a man may be overtaken in any trespass, you who [are] spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of meekness, considering yourself—lest you also may be tempted.
James 5:19 Brothers, if anyone among you may go astray from the truth, and anyone may turn him back,
20 let him know that he who turned back a sinner from the straying of his way will save a soul from death, and will cover a multitude of sins.
Our purpose is not to revel in the failings of others; it’s to restore them to obedience to God!
We operate out of a genuine love for our brothers and sisters, and so when we see them stumbling, our reaction is not to laugh and spread the rumors of their sin, but to give them aid and guide them back to God!
Galatians 6:2 Bear the burdens of one another, and so fill up the law of the Christ,
1 Thessalonians 5:14 and we exhort you, brothers, admonish the disorderly, comfort the feeble-minded, support the weak, be patient to all;
We comfort them, bear each other's burdens, support the weak, and we are patient with all, the whole goal being to enter into the kingdom of God.
Now, that’s if someone brings to us a rumor of someone else’s sin, but what if they have an issue with someone else, and they come to us for advice on what to do?
God's Solution
The times we are instructed to seek counsel in the Bible are interesting indeed.
We are told to seek counsel in cases of major decisions like war, major choices, the direction of our lives, and leadership. (Proverbs 20:18, Proverbs 24:6, 1 Kings 12:6–8, Acts 15:1–21, Proverbs 11:14, Proverbs 15:22)
We are told to seek counsel when discerning God's will and deciding doctrine, though most of this counsel comes from our Wonderful Counselor, Jesus. (Acts 15:1–21, Joshua 9:14, 1 Samuel 23:2, 4; 30:8, James 1:5, 2 Peter 1:20)
We are told to seek counsel when handling heavy responsibilities or leadership and judgment, and judgment should always be handled in the assembly. (Exodus 18:17–24, Ezra 10:3, 1 Corinthians 5:3-5, 1 Corinthians 5:12-13, Matthew 18:15-17, 2 Corinthians 2:6-8, 1 Corinthians 6:1-4)
Interestingly, we are not told to seek counsel when we are approaching our brothers or sisters about an issue, though we should always seek the wisdom and counsel of our Father. God has a different solution for us, and its wisdom is staggering.
So if someone comes to us and wants to tell us about a situation with their brother or sister, we have a ready answer for them if they have not tried to go to their brother or sister one-on-one yet. We advise them to seek God and His counsel because Jesus is the Wonderful Counselor, and we give them God’s solution.
In His abundant wisdom, He has already spoken on the matter!
Proverbs 25:9 LSV Plead your cause with your neighbor, "" And do not reveal the secret counsel of another,
10 Lest the hearer put you to shame, "" And your evil report not turn back.
Matthew 18:15 And if your brother may sin against you, go and show him his fault between you and him alone, if he may hear you, you gained your brother;
We are supposed to go to our brothers and sisters one-on-one to confront them when they sin against us and when we have issues with them. Therefore, we have our answer when someone comes to us for advice on how to deal with a situation involving another brother or sister on the level of interpersonal conflict or sin.
We tell them that God’s solution is to go to that person and talk to them!
We tell them that we don’t want to listen to what they have to tell us, and we simply cannot discuss the matter without the presence of the other person. Gossip is a serious sin, and God has already told us what to do. Without further delay, you simply must go to this person and talk to them about it!
There is no time to waste!
For our part, we must be ready to lovingly refuse to listen when someone wants to talk about a problem they have with someone else, and we must be ready to insist that they go to that person and reconcile with them.
They are actively sinning by not going to their spiritual sibling one-on-one, and it is our duty to admonish them to repent and correct the matter with all haste.
The difficulties this solution protects us from are major indeed. Not only does this mean that both parties in the situation will be able to talk to each other and get the other point of view, if they are both humble and have a controlled temper, but it also means that if they need further counsel in resolving their situation, they will be able to go to another brother together.
If they have already gone to their brother or sister with no results, then we can offer to go with them, but we simply must refuse to discuss the matter without the other party present, though we can discuss steps they can take to correct their own sinful behavior.
We are simply following the Matthew 18 process.
Matthew 18:15 LSV And if your brother may sin against you, go and show him his fault between you and him alone, if he may hear you, you gained your brother;
16 and if he may not hear, take with you yet one or two, that by the mouth of two witnesses or three every word may stand.
17 And if he may not hear them, say [it] to the assembly, and if also the assembly he may not hear, let him be to you as the heathen man and the tax collector.
18 Truly I say to you, whatever things you may bind on the earth will be having been bound in the heavens, and whatever things you may loose on the earth will be having been loosed in the heavens.
Active sin is such a serious matter that gossip makes light of it and treats it cavalierly, something we cannot afford to do. It is literally a matter of spiritual life or death, and it is not fit for us to get entertainment or enjoyment out of it.
As righteous children of God, the kind of speech we are supposed to have in our mouths is supposed to reflect God and His character. We are supposed to have His law on our hearts, and that will be what comes out of our mouths.
Psalm 37:30 LSV The mouth of the righteous utters wisdom, "" And his tongue speaks judgment.
31 The law of his God [is] his heart, "" His steps do not slide.
We put away evil speaking and corrupt words.
Ephesians 4:25 LSV For this reason, putting away the lying, each speak truth with his neighbor, because we are members of one another;
26 be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your wrath,
27 neither give place to the Devil;
28 whoever is stealing let him no longer steal, but rather let him labor, working the thing that is good with the hands, that he may have to impart to him having need.
We then put on what is necessary for building up, loving one another, bearing with one another, and treating each other as the spiritual family we are.
29 Let no corrupt word go forth out of your mouth, but what is good to the necessary building up, that it may give grace to the hearers;
30 and do not make the Holy Spirit of God sorrowful, in which you were sealed to [the] day of redemption.
31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and slander, be put away from you, with all malice,
32 and become kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, according as God also forgave you in Christ.
We stand ready to forgive, as we’ll discuss in an upcoming article, and we focus on the things of God, the lovely, the true, the things worthy of our focus as the Children of the Most High.
Philippians 4:8 LSV As to the rest, brothers, as many things as are true, as many as [are] revered, as many as [are] righteous, as many as [are] pure, as many as [are] lovely, as many as [are] of good report, if any worthiness, and if any praise, think on these things;
9 the things that you also learned, and receive, and hear, and saw in me, do those, and the God of peace will be with you.
Conclusion
Gossip can take many forms, but if we keep in mind the seriousness of sin and the proper attitude we should take toward such serious matters, and the love we should have for our brothers and sisters, not rejoicing in their calamity and shortcomings, then gossip becomes impossible. If we test our speech to make certain that it is not injurious, and speech that tears down instead of building up, we will do well.
In upcoming posts, we will discuss empty speech and joking, but our words are truly powerful when it comes to spiritual life or death.
Let’s control our tongues and keep our speech pure before God. Let us love our brothers and sisters, encouraging them and admonishing them rather than taking delight in their stumblings, and let us dwell on good things, for out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.
Luke 6:45 NKJV - "A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.
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