Becoming a Mature Man

Maturity, biblical maturity, and what it means for a man to take full responsibility for his doctrine, his household, his conduct, his thoughts, and his emotional life before God is a serious topic. Scripture does not define maturity by age, sincerity, or intentions, but by obedience and self-rule.

There’s a time to be a child in our lives, and that’s the place we all begin. We start as mewling pukers in our mother’s arms, unable to even wipe our own butts, and then we gradually become more and more self-sufficient until we reach the age of 13, whereupon we are granted all knowledge and wisdom. 

However, we are not yet men, and our knowledge and wisdom are like a shallow pond, nice to look at, but kind of smelly, and it will injure you if you try to dive in. This stage is not entirely useless because it shows a longing and an innate urge to grow up and become something other than a child. We reach for this fruit too soon, and we fall out of the tree a few times, but we are growing. 

Many men never get out of this phase, however, and they will spend the rest of their lives, into their forties, fifties, and maybe even beyond that, trying to live as a child, in the wisdom of childhood.  

It just doesn’t work, and it leads to disaster in every area of life, from personal to professional. Maturity is a part of our character, but it’s separate from our character in a lot of ways. We can be honest, not be thieves, and many other things even while we are children, but some things require maturity to exist, which we’ll get into momentarily. 

Character describes what kind of man you are; maturity determines whether that character is fit to lead others.

At some point, we as men are supposed to move beyond the silly wisdom and knowledge of our childhood and go on to maturity, and the very survival of our family depends on it.  

1 Corinthians 13:11 NKJV - When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

There is supposed to be a point where we take the things and toys of childhood and put them away for the last time. A time when we put away the behavior and thinking of our childhood as well. 

Nothing is going to have a maturing effect on us as much as baptism will, and usually, we will be quite immature when we make that commitment, but God begins His good work in us, and we will be fully mature someday. There are things we can do to facilitate this process on our end, and they require discipline.

We can be mature without being fully mature, and what I mean by that is that we can be more mature in one area than we are in another area of our lives. For instance, we can be very mature at our job, but in our personal relationships, we still act like children.

Part of becoming a mature man is becoming a whole man, not mature in work only, but mature in our personal relationships, our doctrine, and the other areas of our lives. 

If we become aware of these areas where we are immature, we can bring our focus onto them and bring them to God for healing and wholeness, because that is what becoming a mature man is ultimately about. 

A mature man has no area of himself or his life that is not in total submission to our Lord and Savior. 

Romans 12:1 LSV - I call on you, therefore, brothers, through the compassions of God, to present your bodies [as] a sacrifice—living, sanctified, acceptable to God—your intelligent service; 

2 and do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, for your proving what [is] the will of God—the good, and acceptable, and perfect.

This passage in Romans lays out our goal perfectly, and it even tells us how we do not conform to this age, this world, this system of doing things. It’s not by setting up a compound in the woods, though that sounds great to me; it’s transformation by the renewing of our mind in Jesus, our Messiah. 

So, if you want to know how to be a mature man, start with Jesus. Renew your mind with His words and His wisdom every single day and conform your entire life to what He has to tell you in the pages of Scripture. 

That’s what we are going to do in this article. 

We’re going to go through the pages of Scripture to get a clear picture of what a mature man of God looks like, so we can conform ourselves to that image, the image of Jesus. That’s what the Bible is for, and it is sufficient for the task. 

2 Timothy 3:16 NKJV - All Scripture [is] given by inspiration of God, and [is] profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness,

2 Timothy 3:17 NKJV - that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.

We can become complete and mature men through the reading and practice of God’s word by the power of the Holy Spirit. 

There are five main categories of life for us to aim for maturity in, and those are what we will look at today. 

Doctrine

The first area for us to look at is the area of mature doctrine. 

Doctrine is probably the most dangerous area to be immature in, because immaturity in this area leads to spiritual destruction, not just physical. As with most areas we’ll look at, our maturity here doesn’t just affect us; it affects our Assembly and our family as well. 

Ephesians 4:13 NKJV - till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ;

Ephesians 4:14 NKJV - that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting,

Ephesians 4:15 NKJV - but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head--Christ--

The word for doctrine here is διδασκαλία, and it means teaching or instruction. We’re not supposed to be easily swayed by every new idea or teaching that wanders down the road! Our own teaching is supposed to be sound, but the teachings we adhere to are supposed to be sound as well. Notice that it calls those who are tossed about on the waves of doctrine “children,” which means they are immature. 

We aren’t supposed to be kids in the faith as mature men. 

What I don’t mean by this is that you don’t study to come to a full knowledge of a particular topic, or that you never change on anything, because that is also immature. We are not supposed to dash here and there following every little new idea, however.

We don’t change unless we have studied and come fully to the conviction that this idea is the Truth according to God’s word. 

That means studying the whole Bible, not just a verse here and there. 

In fact, we are told to go on toward a deeper understanding. We aren’t supposed to hang out in the shallow end of the pool our entire life because, at some point, as men, we have to head out into deeper water. 

Hebrews 6:1 NKJV - Therefore, leaving the discussion of the elementary [principles] of Christ, let us go on to perfection, not laying again the foundation of repentance from dead works and of faith toward God,

Hebrews 6:2 NKJV - of the doctrine of baptisms, of laying on of hands, of resurrection of the dead, and of eternal judgment.

Being able to distinguish false teaching from the Truth is a trait of men mature in their doctrine.

Hebrews 5:12 LSV - for even owing to be teachers, because of the time, again you have need that one teach you what [are] the elements of the beginning of the oracles of God, and you have become having need of milk, and not of strong food, 

13 for everyone who is partaking of milk [is] unskilled in the word of righteousness—for he is an infant, 

If we are living only on milk and not getting to the meat of the word, we’re infants. The time for milk doctrine is when we are new to the faith, new to the hearing of God’s word. There is a time for that!

However, we’re not supposed to keep drinking milk forever!

We have to go on to the food of men: meat.

14 and the strong food is of perfect men, who because of the use are having the senses exercised, to both the discernment of good and of evil.

Here in verse 14 is the key to maturity in doctrine, and it is discernment. If we are mature spiritually, our senses have been exercised, which means we’re using them. They’ve gotten sharpened and honed in discernment between good and evil. True and false doctrine. 

None of us is probably as mature in our doctrine as we should be, but we are all going on to perfection if we keep studying to learn. That’s a major difference between someone who is mature in his doctrine and someone who is not. 

Their reasons for reading God’s word are completely different. 

One reads to confirm what they think, and the other studies to learn what they need to change. 

We all do the first one to some degree, but the goal for all of us should be to be more on the side of the latter than the first. 

Mature study and mature doctrine take time to develop, a lifetime, in fact, but certain patterns facilitate this process. A broad, general overview of what the Bible says is not mature doctrine, and neither is reading what someone else has written on the topic. 

Until you take the time to actually sit down and study out for yourself what the Bible has to say, you won’t have mature doctrine. What’s more, the questions you are asking have to go from broad to laser-focused, and they have to dig down into the nitty-gritty details. 

What I’m talking about here is more than just a working knowledge of the Bible; it’s a personal, detailed, and careful theology of the entire Bible. Most men never develop this, which is why we are where we are today in the Church. 

Again, I just want to stress that this takes a lifetime, requires great patience, and most importantly, it requires us to take God very seriously.  

It’s a journey more than a destination. 

And what a tremendously wonderful journey it is! 

It’s also not a journey you can take alone. 

You need an older and wiser man you can take your questions to and discuss things with, even if you don’t always agree with him. 

2 Timothy 2:2 NKJV - And the things that you have heard from me among many witnesses, commit these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also.

The Way is not a one-man show; it’s handed down from older man to younger man, and if this is neglected, our doctrine will likely be absolute trash. It’s part of being humble and teachable, and if we aren’t, we will fall into great error. 

If you’ve ever seen the story trope of an old, wise man taking a young and inexperienced man under his wing to teach him and demonstrate how to walk whatever the path is that they are walking, there’s a reason this trope exists. 

One of my favorite examples is of Samuel and David in the Bible. We don’t know how much time Samuel and David got to spend together, but we know they did get to spend a good deal of time together. Samuel was one of the most faithful men of God in Scripture, and no doubt he passed much of his knowledge of the Most High on to David. 

Samuel and David might be my favorite example, but the longest-standing example we have is of Moses and Joshua. Joshua followed Moses around faithfully for forty years, learning from him, helping him, and one day God passed the leadership of Israel on to him. 

However, even Moses himself had a wise old man, and this one happened to be his father-in-law, Jethro. He spent forty years with him, and then, when Jethro met them in the wilderness, he once again mentored and advised Moses in the correct way to walk. 

As a side note to this, Jethro would have been really old at this point, at least a hundred years old, but probably closer to 120. Moses, an eighty-year-old man, submitted to the correction and training of an older and wiser man, which does away with the idea that we can be too old to learn. 

Another of my favorite examples is Elijah and Elisha, which, if you’ll remember, Elijah took Elijah on specifically as a young trainee, the only two prophets in latter Israel to perform miracles that we know of. 

Then there’s Eli and Samuel, Samuel and Saul, David and Solomon, Isaiah and Hezekiah, Jesus and the 12, but especially Peter, Paul, and Timothy. 

We have lots of examples and many instructions that demonstrate the wisdom of a mentor in the faith, and we should all seek out an older and wiser man to mentor us, a man we can learn from even if we do not agree with him all the time. Iron will not sharpen iron if there’s not some disagreement from time to time. 

None of this is to diminish the importance of personal and in-depth study, however. While we need mentorship, that does not remove the importance of personal study. 

There’s little I enjoy more than getting to sit down and dig into a particular passage to reveal the Truth and how it applies to my life. Walking with God is a great blessing, as we’ll see as we get to relationships. 

We must also put into practice what we learn from the pages of Scripture. It’s a living Teacher and Counselor by the power of the Holy Spirit, and it’s basically useless if we don’t let it do its job. Practice is the second half of learning, and until we practice something, we haven’t learned it to the best of our ability.  

It’s not just through reading or practice either: it’s in the company we keep. 

Proverbs 13:20 NKJV - He who walks with wise [men] will be wise, But the companion of fools will be destroyed.

If we surround ourselves with idiots, we’re going to get dumber and less mature, but if we seek out men wiser than ourselves, we will get wiser and more mature. Surround yourself with the people who already are what you want to become. Find older men who have already developed a broad personal theology and learn from them as much as possible. 

Find men you can respect, men with the hair on, men who take God and His word very seriously, and learn from them. 

Relationships

A man’s relationships tell you a lot about what sort of man he is, either for good or bad. 

You can learn a lot about a man by the company he keeps, but you can learn even more by how he treats that company. I’ve written a lot about the relationship between a husband and wife, and how that order is supposed to go, so I don’t need to rehash much of that here. However, there is one point that cannot be stressed enough: you are the shepherd of your family. 

A loving shepherd is not harsh to his sheep, and he guides and corrects them with love. A mature man does not allow himself to be drugged down to fight on a level that is below him because he remembers his role and position as shepherd of the family. 

He does not argue and bicker like a sheep; he rules like a shepherd.

Shepherding is not domination, intimidation, or emotional coercion; it is authority exercised for the good of the flock and under the judgment of God.

The temptation to step out of that role and lower yourself to pettiness is tremendous, and we will not resist all the time perfectly, but we must be mature men and work as shepherds. We must feed our flock physically, which we’ll get to more later, and spiritually. 

More than this, being a good ruler, being a good shepherd means communicating expectations, goals, and thoughts clearly so that they can be understood. If our sheep are not doing what we want them to do, then we need to examine our communication to see where we failed to make sure they understood what we are telling them. 

If they don’t understand something, it’s up to us to make it clear enough for them to get it. 

A mature man does not use his position as shepherd to gratify himself or to meet his own wants, and he does not hurt other people to gratify his needs. A real man of God doesn’t seek his own things; rather, he seeks the things that are of Jesus. 

Philippians 2:21 NKJV - For all seek their own, not the things which are of Christ Jesus. 

That’s the defining characteristic of being a mature man in relationships is seeking the good of others, which is also known as love. 

There are four major types of relationships a man might have, and they are: God, family, friends, and strangers, in that exact order. 

We’ve already examined family a bit, but let’s look at the most important relationship a man will ever have, and that is his relationship with God, out of which all other relationships should flow. The relationship a man has with God will determine the quality of all his other relationships, either for good or bad. 

In the previous section, I mentioned that we need to take God seriously, and here’s what I meant. In the modern Christian culture, we tend to view God, especially Jesus, as daddy in the sky, a kindly grandfather, and maybe as a womanly man who sits and has kids crowding around him. 

That’s a huge mistake.

God is kind, merciful, our Father, gentle, loves kids, and loves us greatly, but that’s not the whole picture. God is also just, powerful, a man of war, and the avenger. Being our Father means He disciplines us, He requires our respect and our obedience, and He will destroy those of us who turn to wickedness. 

God is Someone who must be feared. 

Proverbs 1:7 NKJV - The fear of the LORD [is] the beginning of knowledge, [But] fools despise wisdom and instruction.

We will not understand the Bible until we learn to fear God, and until we learn to take Him seriously! 

Yes, this is terror, dread, reverence, and awe of God, the same sort of attitude women should have toward their husbands and children toward their parents. We recognize that God is someone to be feared, that He is the Supreme Being in the universe, and that He is a just God, which means He has standards for us to follow! 

A characteristic of the wicked is that there is no fear of God in them.

Psalm 36:1 NKJV - To the Chief Musician. [A Psalm] of David the servant of the LORD. An oracle within my heart concerning the transgression of the wicked: [There is] no fear of God before his eyes.

Fear, which is the beginning of wisdom and knowledge, also leads to obedience of God. Not just your average obedience, either, but delight in the law of the Lord. 

Psalm 112:1 NKJV - Praise the LORD! Blessed [is] the man [who] fears the LORD, [Who] delights greatly in His commandments.

God is someone to be feared, and as His children, it is the fear of a child for his Father. That’s something we can all relate to, and we can also relate to being disciplined by our earthly fathers, which is what God will do when we wander from the path. He loves us, so He will discipline us. 

We must start by taking God seriously, and then, because we take God seriously, we believe what He has written in His word, and we take His words and His commandments seriously as well. 

We should be in obedience to God, but we should also be in constant communication with Him through prayer. It is a personal relationship, and all relationships require communication. 

It’s important to note that Scripture defines relationship with God not by sentiment, but by submission, obedience, reverence, and faithfully walking with Him.

Walking with God is a tremendous blessing, and not one that a lot of men take advantage of. It’s offered to all of us; however, if we are obedient. God offers us a close and personal relationship, as Father to son, and we simply have to be obedient. 

Now we can move into how a mature man behaves in his relationships with others. There are certain characteristics of the way a mature man handles his relationships and functions within them, and they are consistent regardless of the relationship. They all stem from that word love, and a lot more can be learned about love in 1st Corinthians 13:4-8. 

Love is seeking the highest good of another as defined by Scripture, and because of that, all the other traits of maturity that we’ll look at stem from love. 

A mature man is not easily angered by others because he has great patience and humility. 

James 1:19 NKJV - So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;

He handles conflict gently and calmly, aiming for de-escalation.

Proverbs 15:1 NKJV - A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.

He esteems others as better than himself, and he does not despise his brothers in Christ. He is willing to gather with them and have his theories tested by them in the study of the Bible. He is willing to be sharpened and to sharpen others through studying and praying together. He’s not afraid to hear a viewpoint different from his own, and in fact, he welcomes such viewpoints because his goal is not to be right but to be True. 

Again, this requires great patience, as any dealing with other humans does. 

Ephesians 4:1 NKJV - I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called,

Ephesians 4:2 NKJV - with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love,

Ephesians 4:3 NKJV - endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

Paul lays it out very cleanly there in Ephesians, telling us to be humble, gentle, patient, bearing with each other in love as brothers, and keeping unity in the Spirit as much as possible. All of these things require us to put our “self” to death and operate out of humility. 

There is no room for pride in the life of a mature man of God. 

Because of this, find other men who take God and His Word seriously and associate with them on a regular basis. These are the second most important human relationships after your wife, and we can’t afford to neglect them. A man who tries to stand on his own will certainly fall and gradually get separated from the faith. A man without a brotherhood is an easy target. 

Deeds

A man who does not provide for his family is worse than an unbeliever, and a man who requires his wife to work and bring in an income instead of raising their kids is not fully mature. 

1 Timothy 5:8 NKJV - But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Your role as a husband enables your wife to stay home so that your children are not being raised by the state. Sometimes this might require working more than one job or even changing jobs so that you can bring in enough income. 

A mature man will do what it takes to make sure his kids are brought up in the knowledge of God.

The way in which a man works or accomplishes a task tells you a lot about his maturity. Does he do it to the best of his ability, or does he do it halfway because it won’t really matter?

Ecclesiastes 9:9 NKJV - Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun, all your days of vanity; for that [is] your portion in life, and in the labor which you perform under the sun.

Ecclesiastes 9:10 NKJV - Whatever your hand finds to do, do [it] with your might; for [there is] no work or device or knowledge or wisdom in the grave where you are going.

Some days it’s easier to do things to the best of our ability than on others, and some days we’ll fail. Failure is only permanent if we let it be permanent, and each day is an opportunity to correct the failures of the previous day.

Luke 16:10 NKJV - "He who [is] faithful in [what is] least is faithful also in much; and he who is unjust in [what is] least is unjust also in much.

A mature man makes sure whatever he does is to the best of his ability, glorifying God. The actions he takes are not for the assurance of his own comforts, but for the comfort and provision of his family. Every step he takes is taken with the future and his responsibility in mind. 

A mature man works not merely for survival or comfort, but as one who will give an account for every stewardship entrusted to him.

Lacking maturity in this area, as with all areas, is not the end of the world. It’s a journey and a process, but it’s going to be a much harder journey if a man is immature in one important area, and that is his doctrine. 

Our deeds are supposed to be in submission to God, and the Bible is what tells us how to do that. If we don’t know what to do, we’re not going to do it. 

Everything we do should be measured by the Bible.

A part of being a mature man is finding out what you are supposed to be doing to serve God. 

Not every man is called to take the gospel to Africa, not every man is called to teach in the congregation, but every man is called to bring the gospel and teach it to his family. As men, we are all teachers and priests in our families, and that’s something we must take seriously. 

However, there is also the outside calling, what work God has for us to accomplish outside of our homes, and that is what we must learn. God will lead us to where we need to be to accomplish the task He has set before us, and it will always include opportunities to share our faith. 

So what is the work God has for you, and are you accomplishing it?

God has something for each of us to be doing, and that is what we need to be focusing on. 

One of the most important aspects of being a mature man of action is self-control, gentleness, and courage. Whatever God has for us is going to take all three of those things, and we need to be learning them now. They aren’t easy things to just pick up, though, but they can be trained over time. 

Set a time to wake up and go to the gym. 

Be consistent, especially on the days you don’t want to. It’s amazing how much self-control comes from forcing yourself to do something you don’t want to do. 

Maybe it’s not the gym you have a hard time with, but find something you can do every day that you don’t want to do that will improve who you are as a man, and then force yourself to do it. 

If you can’t control yourself, someone else will. 

There’s going to come a time when we’ll need men who can walk into the very belly of the beast and defy Caesar in his own palace for the sake of the kingdom and likely die because of it. Immature men will not be able to stand when times get difficult. 

Doing what’s right all the time and being self-controlled, courageous, and gentle is not easy. It’s far easier to become a man who does well when others are around and then retreats into a shell of passive mediocrity when he’s out of the public eye. 

If we are such men, we are hypocrites, and our Lord has this to say about us. 

Matthew 23:27 NKJV - "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead [men's] bones and all uncleanness.

Matthew 23:28 NKJV - "Even so you also outwardly appear righteous to men, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.

Maturity is not formed in the public eye; it’s forged when we do what’s right and stand just as tall, walk just as courageously, and live just as righteously when no one but our wives can see us. 

Focus on serving God with everything you do and bring every work into submission to Him. When you do that, your works will be the works of a mature man. 

Understanding, Thoughts, and Communication

Our speech is a huge part of our maturity, and it’s what will get us into trouble the most as men. Rash or casual speech will dig us into holes we never would get into on our own, but our tongue only says what’s on our hearts. 

Matthew 12:34 NKJV - "Brood of vipers! How can you, being evil, speak good things? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.

Matthew 12:35 NKJV - "A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things.

Therefore, the most important thing for us to control is not necessarily our tongue, though we do need to control that as well, but our hearts. If our hearts are pure, our communication will be pure as well. 

Proverbs 4:23 NKJV - Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it [spring] the issues of life.

Proverbs 4:24 NKJV - Put away from you a deceitful mouth, And put perverse lips far from you.

Our speech starts off as feelings and thoughts in our hearts and minds, so a mature man will govern his thoughts as well as his mouth. Our speech reveals our thoughts, so by what we are saying, we can figure a few things out about the way we think. Disordered thoughts and immature understanding result in reckless and destructive thoughts that will do great harm, not only to others, but to ourselves as well. 

2 Corinthians 10:5 NKJV - casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,

A mature man governs his thoughts and controls those before they ever become words, which makes his speech all the easier to control. If you’re having a hard time controlling your tongue, start with what you’re thinking about. Chances are, your mind is in chaos. 

The reason it’s so important is that a mature man must stand by what he says. If he agrees to something or gives his word, he must stand by that. Mature men can do deals with words and a handshake, knowing that all parties will stand by what they have said. 

Psalm 15:4 NKJV - In whose eyes a vile person is despised, But he honors those who fear the LORD; He [who] swears to his own hurt and does not change;

A man who can’t control his tongue has not yet learned to rule his own spirit fully. A mature man is slow to speak, quick to hear, and slow to become angry or get irritated. 

James 1:19 NKJV - So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;

As soon as you allow a strong emotion to rise up in a debate or conversation, your control over your thinking will begin to slip, and so will your control over your tongue. Stay calm, focus on patience and gentleness, listen carefully, and when the time is right, respond calmly. 

Scripture constantly equates hasty speech with foolishness, and as mature men, our goal is to be wise in the wisdom of our Father. 

Colossians 4:6 NKJV - [Let] your speech always [be] with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.

Mature understanding is not a certain level of intelligence, and it’s not something we ourselves acquire through living life alone. There are plenty of people who have lived a lot of life and have the understanding of a half-ripe eggplant. 

There is a way to gain understanding, however, and again, it begins with the fear of the Lord, but also the exercise and practice of His commandments. 

Psalm 111:10 NKJV - The fear of the LORD [is] the beginning of wisdom; A good understanding have all those who do [His commandments]. His praise endures forever.

Beyond doing His commandments, understanding is gained through seeking God, which you can only truly do if you take Him seriously.  

Proverbs 28:5 NKJV - Evil men do not understand justice, But those who seek the LORD understand all.

Seeking God, as someone you fear, will bring great understanding because He is the source of all true wisdom; pure wisdom, as from a flowing brook, wisdom you don’t have to filter and strain to get the lies out of before you eat it. 

Worldly wisdom must be filtered, but wisdom from God is deliciously pure. 

A mature understanding is forged by the fear and knowledge of God, and dwelling daily in His holy and righteous word, searching it to learn where he, as a man, is in error and needs to change. Understanding shows us where we are not in conformity with the Holy Writings, and where we must change to become like our Father in Heaven. 

A mature man makes this detailed study a daily practice, and he prays constantly for understanding and wisdom. 

Proverbs 3:5 NKJV - Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding;

We will not get very far on our own wisdom and understanding, so a mature man will lean on the Holy Spirit and seek his wisdom from above.

True understanding and wisdom, rightly practiced, are not prideful. We don’t have to know everything and have every point of doctrine nailed down, and we are open to the possibility of being wrong. 

Proverbs 28:13 NKJV - He who covers his sins will not prosper, But whoever confesses and forsakes [them] will have mercy.

Pride will say that we must always be right, but humility and wisdom are being able and knowing when to admit we were wrong about something, especially doctrine. 

Being able to admit error is not weakness; it is repentance, and repentance is the engine of maturity.

One of the biggest aspects of communication as men is communicating our instructions to our wives and not getting angry in our dealings with our wives. If something doesn’t happen in our family the way we want it to, we need to examine what we communicated and assume that our instructions were not understood. 

Then we need to look at how we can communicate them in a way that they will be understood, and this is rarely by yelling or losing our temper. 

If we lose our temper, we wander into the realm of sin with our wives, and we will have to apologize. As the master of our house, we cannot afford to lose our tempers, as we’ll see in the next section on emotions, but especially in our communication. If our wives didn’t understand something, it’s our fault for not explaining it until we’re satisfied they do understand. 

Without proper and clear communication from us, our family will go nowhere, and it will not be living in submission to God and His will for us. That’s very serious! 

The whole point of being the leader and ruler is to direct the course of the family vessel according to the instructions we receive from God. If we can’t do that, we need to figure it out rather quickly, because otherwise, we are failing to mature in a vital area.

Emotions

A man who does not have his emotions under control is unstable in all his ways. He cannot rule his own spirit, and he is a child in his actions and responses to any given situation. He is easily angered, easily depressed, and easily saddened, and he’ll sulk like a child when he doesn’t get his way. 

A mature man has all emotions under his control, not just anger. He’s not going to cry publicly except in rare circumstances, and he’s not going to lean on his wife for emotional support. 

That’s why we have a brotherhood. 

Look at David, for example.

He was a deeply emotional man, but he shared 99% of his emotions with God. That’s what all of the Psalms are, and the only time we see him crying publicly is for the death of someone he was close to. We see the same thing with Jesus, and the only time He cried was when His friend died. 

Men do not cry because of physical pain, and the public tears we shed do not come easily. We may weep because of the evil of our society or because someone we were close to died, but that is the extent of the tears we share with our wives and the public. 

The other tears we share with God, just as David did. 

Tears are just as much a part of ruling our spirit as controlling our anger is, and vitally important for having strength of character and maturity. 

Ecclesiastes 7:9 NKJV - Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry, For anger rests in the bosom of fools.

A man who cannot control his emotions and allows them to rule him cannot be relied upon when the chips are down. He’s weak where he needs to be strong, and he’ll fold when the pressure hits. He cannot be trusted.

Proverbs 24:10 NKJV - [If] you faint in the day of adversity, Your strength [is] small.

A man of mature faith will not be depressed for any long period. A man who is depressed and not simply sad for a moment is selfish and not walking with God. If depression is a habit, we’re living in sin, because long-term depression is a spiritual failure to hope in God. 

By depression, I do not mean momentary sorrow, grief, or despair, but a settled condition of hopelessness that refuses correction by trust in God.

Psalm 42:5 NKJV - Why are you cast down, O my soul? And [why] are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him [For] the help of His countenance.

Jesus Himself, at the moment of greatest despair, poured out His heart to God, and then, strengthened, He put His despair to the side and did what needed to be done. 

Matthew 26:38 NKJV - Then He said to them, "My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch with Me."

Matthew 26:46 NKJV - "Rise, let us be going. See, My betrayer is at hand."

Depression as a settled condition is incompatible with the mature man of God. Our hope must be placed in God, our thoughts must dwell on Him, and we must look out for the best interests of our family. When we do that, what is there to be depressed about?

Again, this is not to deny grief, sorrow, or despair as these are all emotions we will experience, but we don’t settle down in these emotions and wallow in them. That’s not mature trust in God. 

Psalm 62:8 NKJV - Trust in Him at all times, you people; Pour out your heart before Him; God [is] a refuge for us. Selah

God is our refuge, and we have nothing to fear as long as we are walking in Him. If we are depressed, fearful, angry, etc., it’s a sure sign we are no longer walking in Him as we ought. 

If we want to be mature men of God, we must rule our spirits and learn to control ourselves. That’s basically what all of these things we’ve covered boil down to: self-control. 

The Test

Everything we’ve covered, albeit very briefly, has been building up to this section. Self-reflection, examining ourselves, is a great way to learn what we have in our lives that needs change. I’ve written quite a few questions designed to do exactly that when answered honestly.

The way you take this test is by answering a series of yes or no questions and then taking the number of questions you answered “yes” for each section, and that is your “score” for that section. 

The test is not meant to tell you that you’re a failure, but rather to show where you are not living up to the standard, and some areas where change would be beneficial. It’s a tool for self-examination, pure and simple. 

This test is useless if answered defensively. It is only profitable if answered as a man standing before God, not before other men. I myself have answered the test, and lo and behold, I am not yet perfect either.

I hope you find it useful!

The test can be accessed and printed here: Download