A Holy Kiss
We have a little problem with the Bible.
How do we decide when a command that is given is based on culture and when it is a command we still have to follow?
That question in itself supposes that if a command is based on the culture in which it was given, then it no longer applies to us at all. Cultural context is by far the most common reason that people think certain things no longer apply or were never meant for us.
All of the New Testament commands for women, for example, were conveniently given based on their culture alone and therefore were not meant for anyone but those people.
Women today are therefore under no restraints at all and are free to be as rebellious as they desire to be, simply because that culture was one in which Paul needed to give those instructions, but ours is not.
I jest, of course, but it does put the question I asked in a different light, and perhaps reveals the true question at the heart of the issue of cultural context.
If the culture in which a command was issued was practicing a certain thing, and a command issued to them was intended to stop that thing or encourage another action, does that automatically mean it was not meant for us?
Now certainly, we cannot greet Phoebe for Paul, but what about everything else?
Everything in the Bible was written and intended for someone else.
None of it was written directly to us, and while we can glean added meaning from who certain things were addressed to, such as gender and race, we are still left with the simple fact that if we're going to follow the Word of God, we are following it as written to others.
Yet, though it may be written and addressed to others, God clearly intended it for all people to use and follow in their daily lives. The law, for instance, was not written to David’s generation, yet David followed the law.
It certainly was not written to Paul, yet he declared all Scripture as profitable for use as Scripture thousands of years after the generation it was addressed to had died!
Paul also wrote that everything that came before was for his generation’s instruction, which is odd if they needed to be in the same culture as the Scriptures were written in to have them apply.
Romans 15:4 NKJV – For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope.
If they were written for people who came thousands of years later, might we not also apply these very same words to ourselves and declare that what was written before was written to us?
Deuteronomy 29:29 NKJV – "The secret [things belong] to the LORD our God, but those [things which are] revealed [belong] to us and to our children forever, that [we] may do all the words of this law.
Cultural context has two main issues with it based on these things, and the first is that it presupposes that their culture was so different from ours that those instructions could not possibly be applied to ours.
The clothing might change, the hairstyles, the technology, but the heart of man does not change.
Morality or lack thereof does not change; the desire to rebel against the instructions of God does not change, and so we are left with a culture that looks different but functions in the same manner.
Now, there is context that matters, but that context is the Bible itself, which you can read more about here and here.
Furthermore, historical context can add some depth and color to the Word of God, but it never interprets the Word of God.
The second issue is that, as I have already mentioned, we assume that merely because a command was given in a certain culture, it is bound by that culture.
The command is not bound by culture; culture is bound by the command.
What if feminists could prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that an Artemis cult was the reason Paul said what he said regarding women teaching?
Well, even if the Artemis cult were the catalyst in that society that caused women to rise up, the issue would still be women taking something that doesn’t belong to them, and we would simply have a different catalyst: the cult of feminism.
However, no one can prove the Artemis cult was pushing women to be teachers, let alone that it was the reason Paul gave those instructions.
They can’t prove it from secular history, and certainly not the Bible, which is perhaps the real issue all along.
When we introduce cultural context, we subject the Word of God to secular history sources rather than subjecting secular history to the Word of God.
Secular history becomes our authority on what applies to our lives rather than God, and it gives us an easy avenue to write off whatever we don’t want to actually follow, which brings us to our topic today.
A holy kiss is a bit of a mystery in the Bible, and it’s something that most people, when they read over it, kind of go, “I wonder what that’s all about,” and then just keep on going, giving it no more thought than that. I’m the same, until recently, when I actually had a chance to study it a little more, not in history and culture, but in the Bible itself.
A holy kiss is commanded five times in the New Testament, with most of the occurrences belonging to Paul, but some to Peter as well.
Here is every occurrence of the command, and you can see it is spread over multiple letters to multiple assemblies, with two Apostles commanding it.
Romans 16:16 NKJV – Greet one another with a holy kiss. The churches of Christ greet you.
1 Corinthians 16:20 NKJV – All the brethren greet you. Greet one another with a holy kiss.
2 Corinthians 13:12 NKJV – Greet one another with a holy kiss.
1 Thessalonians 5:26 NKJV – Greet all the brethren with a holy kiss.
1 Peter 5:14 NKJV – Greet one another with a kiss of love. Peace to you all who are in Christ Jesus. Amen.
The fact that it is repeated so many times, across multiple letters and by multiple authors, should give us pause, and we may consider if perhaps there is something we’re missing by simply ignoring this command.
You may have heard that this was simply a common cultural greeting much like our handshake of today, but is that true?
Certainly, we do see some cultures even today that kiss upon meeting for the first time, but is that really all the holy kiss was?
If a kiss was a standard greeting, why would it need to be commanded?
Could you imagine Paul having to encourage us to greet each other with a handshake or fist-bump?
If it’s not the common handshake-type greeting of the day, then we must ask what it is and why it would be commanded, which will tell us a lot more about whether we should practice it.
The kiss is a greeting we see practiced clearly back through the Old Testament, and we have at least one instance of the holy kiss Paul commands being practiced.
There are three main groups we find practicing this particular greeting, and they are as follows: Family, close friends, and as a sign of respect or devotion in idolatry.
By far the most prevalent use of the kiss is in familial greetings, with the next most common being toward close friends who are like family.
Family
Genesis 27:26 NKJV – Then his father Isaac said to him, "Come near now and kiss me, my son."
Genesis 29:11 NKJV – Then Jacob kissed Rachel, and lifted up his voice and wept.
Genesis 29:13 NKJV – Then it came to pass, when Laban heard the report about Jacob his sister's son, that he ran to meet him, and embraced him and kissed him, and brought him to his house. So he told Laban all these things.
Genesis 31:28 NKJV – "And you did not allow me to kiss my sons and my daughters. Now you have done foolishly in [so] doing.
Genesis 33:4 NKJV – But Esau ran to meet him, and embraced him, and fell on his neck and kissed him, and they wept.
That is also one of the first times we’ll see the falling on the neck and kissing, which to me conjures a picture of men kissing each other on the cheek. We’ll see this a few more times as we wander on, as it is a common trait of a greeting kiss in the Bible.
Genesis 45:15 NKJV – Moreover he kissed all his brothers and wept over them, and after that his brothers talked with him.
Genesis 48:10 NKJV – Now the eyes of Israel were dim with age, [so that] he could not see. Then Joseph brought them near him, and he kissed them and embraced them.
Exodus 4:27 NKJV – And the LORD said to Aaron, "Go into the wilderness to meet Moses." So he went and met him on the mountain of God, and kissed him.
Exodus 18:7 NKJV – So Moses went out to meet his father-in-law, bowed down, and kissed him. And they asked each other about [their] well-being, and they went into the tent.
2 Samuel 14:33 NKJV – So Joab went to the king and told him. And when he had called for Absalom, he came to the king and bowed himself on his face to the ground before the king. Then the king kissed Absalom.
Luke 15:20 NKJV – "And he arose and came to his father. But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him.
Ruth 1:14 NKJV – Then they lifted up their voices and wept again; and Orpah kissed her mother-in-law, but Ruth clung to her.
Friends
1 Samuel 20:41 NKJV – As soon as the lad had gone, David arose from [a place] toward the south, fell on his face to the ground, and bowed down three times. And they kissed one another; and they wept together, but David more so.
2 Samuel 20:9 NKJV – Then Joab said to Amasa, "[Are] you in health, my brother?" And Joab took Amasa by the beard with his right hand to kiss him.
2 Samuel 20:10 NKJV – But Amasa did not notice the sword that [was] in Joab's hand. And he struck him with it in the stomach, and his entrails poured out on the ground; and he did not [strike] him again. Thus he died. Then Joab and Abishai his brother pursued Sheba the son of Bichri.
Luke 22:47 NKJV – And while He was still speaking, behold, a multitude; and he who was called Judas, one of the twelve, went before them and drew near to Jesus to kiss Him.
Luke 22:48 NKJV – But Jesus said to him, "Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?"
1 Samuel 10:1 NKJV – Then Samuel took a flask of oil and poured [it] on his head, and kissed him and said: "[Is it] not because the LORD has anointed you commander over His inheritance?
The next one is the only place we see Paul practice the holy kiss, and it is at his final departure from Ephesus.
Acts 20:37 NKJV – Then they all wept freely, and fell on Paul's neck and kissed him,
Respect/devotion
1 Kings 19:18 NKJV – "Yet I have reserved seven thousand in Israel, all whose knees have not bowed to Baal, and every mouth that has not kissed him."
2 Samuel 19:39 NKJV – Then all the people went over the Jordan. And when the king had crossed over, the king kissed Barzillai and blessed him, and he returned to his own place.
2 Samuel 15:5 NKJV – And [so] it was, whenever anyone came near to bow down to him, that he would put out his hand and take him and kiss him.
Luke 7:45 NKJV – "You gave Me no kiss, but this woman has not ceased to kiss My feet since the time I came in.
Psalm 2:12 NKJV – Kiss the Son, lest He be angry, And you perish [in] the way, When His wrath is kindled but a little. Blessed [are] all those who put their trust in Him.
Ruth 1:14 NKJV – Then they lifted up their voices and wept again; and Orpah kissed her mother-in-law, but Ruth clung to her.
There are a couple of references to kissing in a romantic context, such as Song of Solomon, Isaac and Rebekah, and the prostitute in Proverbs, but what I have included above are the main uses of it.
The important thing to note, however, is that outside of romantic or familial contexts, we see no example of a man kissing a woman.
We see women kissing women in Ruth, and elsewhere it is always men kissing men in greeting, fathers kissing their daughters, or husbands kissing their wives or wives-to-be.
Kissing was not a cross-gender greeting, which is important to note, because the Apostolic command was to greet the brothers in this manner, not all believers in general.
Such a practice could easily lead to improper and even sinful activities or thoughts, so as the witness of Scripture shows, it should be gender restricted among those who are not immediate blood kin.
That’s an aside, but an important one, I think.
The main thing you will notice from all of these occurrences is that the overwhelming use is as a greeting between family or close friends who are like family.
Now we come to the holy kiss of the New Testament and my theory as to why it is even a thing at all, let alone a command.
We have already seen Paul’s example in Acts, but we’ll look at it again.
Acts 20:37 NKJV – Then they all wept freely, and fell on Paul's neck and kissed him,
The men of Ephesus kiss him at his final departure, and it is the same act of falling on his neck and kissing him that I pointed out earlier. The kiss described was likely planted on either the neck or cheek while embracing.
These men loved Paul dearly, and they had grown very close during the time he spent among them. At his departure, they treated him like he was their family, and indeed he was.
Though we do not have Paul among us, it is much the same with us.
In the church of God, we’re dealing with a group of often unrelated people who are supposed to be a family in their closeness of bond. They’re supposed to treat each other as brothers, as genuine family.
The Old Testament context suggests that, in Israel at least, the kiss was reserved for close friends and family, and Paul was from Israel. He is likely passing on an Israelite tradition to Gentile Christians to strengthen their bond as a family.
Furthermore, this kiss is called a holy kiss, meaning a set-apart kiss, meant for the set-apart brothers.
If the command Paul was giving was a common everyday greeting, as some put forth, then it’s not a set-apart greeting.
We do see the embrace as a common greeting throughout the New Testament, or a salute, but not a kiss.
1 Thessalonians 5:25 Brothers, pray concerning us.
26 Greet all the brothers with a set-apart kiss.
27 I adjure ye [by] the LORD, that the letter be read to all the set-apart brothers.
Even the Greek word for kiss is taken from the word phileo, meaning the bond of friendship or love.
Φίλημα
A kiss
It is a word stemming from the love of friendship, and it is normatively used in family and close-friend relationships in the Bible. The brothers are supposed to be a family, and Paul is commanding them to greet each other as family, reinforcing the bonds that bind them together in spirit.
It’s not a greeting given to outsiders or strangers; it is a greeting reserved for the household of God, for the brothers in the faith.
Paul four times commands that this greeting be used, and we have no Scriptural evidence that it was a custom of their culture to greet everyone this way. It may have yet been a custom of the day, but is that why Paul gave this instruction?
There can be much value in an instruction not tied to salvation, and there can be much we miss if we don’t practice it.
Simply because a culture practiced a certain thing around the time an instruction was given does not mean that the instruction is tied to that specific culture.
Paul is apparently taking a practice first seen in the Old Testament, and he is applying it to the body of Christ to remind them and us that we are truly brothers.
We are truly brothers with the same Father, walking together toward His glorious kingdom.
With these commands clearly stated, should we greet each other with a holy kiss?
We like to think our culture is a lot different than the culture they lived in, but at its core, there is not much difference.
The same degeneracy that existed then exists today, from homosexuality to abortion to feminism, and we cannot simply write off clear commands simply because they lived in a different time.
We need not worry about faux pas coming with the opposite sex in this matter either, for while the women can greet each other in this manner as we saw with Ruth, the command is given to the brothers to do with each other.
Should we institute the practice of greeting our brothers with a holy kiss?
It would certainly be weird for us to kiss other men on the cheek, but we all kiss our father and are kissed by him, so what difference is there?
It's a masculine practice, and I'm not talking about slobbering on each other's cheeks, but an embrace and a kiss as you would give to your father or brother.
It would take time to get used to it, but the message Paul wanted to get across would become crystal clear, and the kiss would serve its purpose well.
It would remind us of something we are all too quick to forget in our petty squabbles and something we are often blind to through the haze of our pride.
Simply this: We are brothers.
Would it hurt to give it a try?
Our salvation may not be tied to it directly, but there may yet be an unseen benefit to our salvation and walk with God.
We do not sin by not kissing, but perhaps we would do better if we did plant one on our brothers; either way, Paul’s point is clear: when we greet our brothers in the faith, we should be greeting them like the family they are.
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