Are You One of the Long-Nosed People?

Most everyone would agree that patience is a highly desirable quality, especially since it is one of the fruits of the Spirit. It’s a great thing to have when waiting for your food in a restaurant, when dealing with coworkers, patients, customers, employees, your wife, your congregation, and there’s not a time when it’s not a good thing.

As Christians, we get our worldview from the Bible, which means that, whether we like what it says or not, we are obligated to align our views with what is written down and preserved for us in the pages of Scripture.

The Cambridge dictionary defines patience as the ability to wait, or to continue doing something despite difficulties, or to suffer without complaining or becoming annoyed. Source

That seems like a pretty good definition, but what does our lens and instruction manual tell us patience is?

Well, the definition of patience from the pages of scripture has a lot to do with anger and wrath, which are not the same thing. The underlying words are different, and one is more likely to be translated as wrath than anger, and vice versa.

Patience is directly tied to this concept of anger, so before we get into patience, we’ll look at anger and loop back around.

Anger

All through the Bible, we see what happens when someone gets angry, and what happens to them when they act on that anger. We see flawed people give vent to their anger, and the poor results that follow. Moses gave vent to it, and he was forbidden from entering the promised land.

Just based on the example of Moses, anger seems like a poor choice, but we’ll look at what the rest of the Bible has to say on the topic of anger for the sake of thoroughness. First, we need to look at the specific words that are used, and then we'll look at what our instructions regarding them are.

Genesis 30:2 NKJV - And Jacob's anger was aroused against Rachel, and he said, "[Am] I in the place of God, who has withheld from you the fruit of the womb?"

אַף ap

Nostril, nose, face, anger (nose anger, that is, flared nostrils)

Numbers 25:4 NKJV - Then the LORD said to Moses, "Take all the leaders of the people and hang the offenders before the LORD, out in the sun, that the fierce anger of the LORD may turn away from Israel."

חָרוֹן haron

(burning of) anger

Exodus 16:20 NKJV - Notwithstanding, they did not heed Moses. But some of them left part of it until morning, and it bred worms and stank. And Moses was angry with them.

קָצַף qasap

Be wroth (Late Hebrew id., Hiph. make wrathful (rare); Syriac bdb089305 be wrathful, also be anxious, fearful)

Isaiah 13:9 NKJV - Behold, the day of the LORD comes, Cruel, with both wrath and fierce anger, To lay the land desolate; And He will destroy its sinners from it.

עֶבְרָה ebra

Overflow, arrogance, fury, overflowing rage, or fury

Revelation 14:10 NKJV - "he himself shall also drink of the wine of the wrath of God, which is poured out full strength into the cup of His indignation. He shall be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels and in the presence of the Lamb.

Θυμός

Passion, angry heat (excandescentia, Cicero, Tusc. 4, 9, 21), anger forthwith boiling up and soon subsiding again. Thus, boiling anger, only used positively of God.

Romans 1:18 NKJV - For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who suppress the truth in unrighteousness,

ὀργὴ

Anger, wrath, indignation (denoting an internal motion, especially that of plants and fruits swelling with juice, as in a ripening fruit. So, swelling with anger, ripening with anger. A slow-growing anger as opposed to thymos, which is a fiery explosion of anger.)

Mark 10:14 NKJV - But when Jesus saw [it], He was greatly displeased and said to them, "Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of God.

ἀγανακτέω

To be indignant, moved with indignation, especially at unfairness (from the roots meaning much and grief. Literally, much grief.)

We'll look at whether or not we are allowed to exhibit any of these forms of anger as Christians in a moment. Anger is prevalent in our society, and people often explode in anger over the smallest of things. It’s easy to see that anger is undesirable when other people are exhibiting it toward their loved ones, employees, or the clerk at the grocery store.

That’s obvious just through using our powers of observation.

The Bible takes it a little more seriously than simply being undesirable, however, and since that is our standard, we’ll of course look there.

It’s easy to forget that the Bible is supposed to be our guide and standard of things, not our feelings, emotions, or anything else. We can feel, certainly, but at the end of the day, it comes back to what our solid foundation says.

It comes down to God speaking to us through His written Word.

We can’t get away from this fact if we call ourselves Christians and claim to follow Him. Without obedience to His commands, the religion is our own, and the God we follow is ourselves, so it is essential to go by what God tells us.

Ephesians 4:31 NKJV - Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.

1 Timothy 2:8 NKJV - I desire therefore that the men pray everywhere, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting;

2 Corinthians 12:20 NKJV - For I fear lest, when I come, I shall not find you such as I wish, and [that] I shall be found by you such as you do not wish; lest [there be] contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, backbitings, whisperings, conceits, tumults;

2 Corinthians 12:21 NKJV - lest, when I come again, my God will humble me among you, and I shall mourn for many who have sinned before and have not repented of the uncleanness, fornication, and lewdness which they have practiced.

Colossians 3:8 NKJV - But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth.

We are to put off and get rid of all anger and wrath, among other things, from our lives. At the heart level, we are supposed to change how we respond to situations and people because wrath and anger are works of the flesh. If we don't put these responses out of our hearts and lives, then we will not see the kingdom of God.

I'm serious!

It's written in the Word!

Galatians 5:19 NKJV - Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness,

Galatians 5:20 NKJV - idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies,

Galatians 5:21 NKJV - envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told [you] in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Wrath and anger are not an appropriate response or emotion for us to demonstrate, and they fall in the same category as murder, envy, and sorcery!

These are all works of the flesh and not works of the Spirit. These are not the fruits of someone who has the Spirit of God and who is walking in that spirit. If we are walking in the Spirit, we cannot at the same time be walking in the flesh, as Paul makes clear just a few verses earlier.

Galatians 5:16 NKJV — I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.

Galatians 5:17 NKJV — For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish.

Galatians 5:18 NKJV — But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

Galatians 5:17 LSV - for the flesh desires contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit contrary to the flesh, and these are opposed to one another, that the things that you may will—these you may not do;

As I've said before, there isn't a word in Greek or Hebrew for lust, and the words that get translated as lust mean desire or covet (search for lust in YLT). Here in verse 17 is a prime example of that, where the flesh desires contrary to the spirit, but the spirit also desires contrary to the flesh. In other words, the desires of the spirit are opposite those of the flesh.

Anger, wrath, and envy are all desires that are opposite the desires of the spirit, among the others that Paul lists there.

The spirit has its desires, but they are completely contrary to our natural desires and our natural way of living. When we set out to put away anger and wrath, we are then walking against the flesh, but in step with the spirit, so that while on the one hand it is hard for our flesh, on the other hand, in the spirit it is easy and natural.

Since anger and wrath are contrary to the spirit of God, and they are works of the flesh, we will not be in the kingdom if we don't put these things away. Losing our temper, yelling in anger, snapping at our spouse or our children, and getting boiling mad are all things that we as the children of God are not supposed to be exhibiting.

If we lose our temper, we might not see the kingdom of God if we continue in that way of living. Of course, through His grace, we have the opportunity for repentance after making such an error, thanks be to God!

Proverbs 22:24 NKJV — Make no friendship with an angry man, And with a furious man do not go,

Ecclesiastes 7:9 NKJV — Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry, For anger rests in the bosom of fools.

Proverbs 29:22 NKJV — An angry man stirs up strife, And a furious man abounds in transgression.

Fools are the ones who allow themselves to be angry and show it. It is far better to handle any anger internally as quickly as possible, like a ripening fruit, and just let it pass away.

Fools, however, rage at anything and everything.

Proverbs 14:16 NKJV — A wise [man] fears and departs from evil, But a fool rages and is self-confident.

Proverbs 14:17 NKJV — A quick-tempered [man] acts foolishly, And a man of wicked intentions is hated.

Proverbs 29:11 NKJV — A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise [man] holds them back.

Most of us have been fools at one point or another, but our goal is to become less foolish and more wise, a man who can control his temper.

Psalm 37:8 NKJV — Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; Do not fret—[it] only [causes] harm.

Ceasing and forsaking anger and wrath is not simply avoiding them for the most part; it’s stopping all outbursts of anger. Why might this be?

James 1:19 NKJV - So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;

James 1:20 NKJV - for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

Our anger does not produce the righteousness of God. All through scripture, we see God’s wrath and God’s anger, because it belongs to Him. Wrath is closely tied to God’s judgment of man, and it’s His place to execute judgment for His wrath upon those who are sinning.

Romans 12:19 NKJV - Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but [rather] give place to wrath; for it is written, "Vengeance [is] Mine, I will repay," says the Lord.

Nahum 1:2 NKJV - God [is] jealous, and the LORD avenges; The LORD avenges and [is] furious. The LORD will take vengeance on His adversaries, And He reserves [wrath] for His enemies;

Nahum 1:3 NKJV - The LORD [is] slow to anger and great in power, And will not at all acquit [the wicked]. The LORD has His way In the whirlwind and in the storm, And the clouds [are] the dust of His feet.

Wrath and anger are reserved for the judgment of Yahowah, and it’s not our place to either show wrath or execute it upon those we see as deserving it. It’s, in a sense, usurping what belongs to God alone.

What’s more, His anger is rooted in justice, not human emotions.

Psalm 7:8 NKJV - The LORD shall judge the peoples; Judge me, O LORD, according to my righteousness, And according to my integrity within me.

Psalm 7:9 NKJV - Oh, let the wickedness of the wicked come to an end, But establish the just; For the righteous God tests the hearts and minds.

Psalm 7:10 NKJV - My defense [is] of God, Who saves the upright in heart.

Psalm 7:11 NKJV - God [is] a just judge, And God is angry [with the wicked] every day.

So part of God’s justice and judgment is the wrath He will pour out on the wicked, something we have zero authority to do at this time. When it comes to getting angry at our family or anyone else, it is simply a lack of control over our own spirits, and it must cease!

If we don’t cease, we will not see the kingdom of God.

All that being said, is there ever an appropriate time for us to show anger or even to feel anger?

Righteous Anger?

A lot of people, upon hearing the things I just said, will automatically ask if there is any scenario where it is okay to show anger. What if someone wrongs us? Can’t we be angry then?

Well, we might feel anger, but we must not act on it, and we certainly must never let it control us. When we feel anger, which we are bound to feel at some point, we have to let it go as quickly as possible.

Psalm 4:4 NKJV - Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still. Selah

Ephesians 4:26 NKJV - "Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath,

David and Paul say basically the same thing: that is, be angry but don’t sin. Don’t show it and get rid of it before the end of the day because anger gives the devil a foothold or an opportunity to tempt you into evil.

Ephesians 4:27 YLT - neither give place to the devil;

We don’t want to give Satan an opening to lead us into evil through emotional manipulation, and as we saw in Proverbs, a man who does not have control over his emotions, especially anger, is easily manipulated into sin and taken down. Like a city without walls is the man who can’t control his emotions.

Getting angry when someone wrongs us in some way or pushes our buttons is contrary to the sort of discipline the man of God is supposed to exhibit. Yet, road rage, getting angry at our wives or kids, or even at those we work with, are the most common causes of anger in most people. It’s common, even in the church of God.

Then the question is, if we can’t show anger in those scenarios, is there ever a case where we can show anger?

We’re going to look at some biblical examples of times when godly men showed anger to see if there is a pattern that tells us when it might be okay for us to be angry. Remember, according to many places, it is wrong for us to show anger, but there might be one exception.

Numbers 16:15 NKJV - Then Moses was very angry, and said to the LORD, "Do not respect their offering. I have not taken one donkey from them, nor have I hurt one of them."

Numbers 16:16 NKJV - And Moses said to Korah, "Tomorrow, you and all your company be present before the LORD--you and they, as well as Aaron.

Numbers 16:17 NKJV - "Let each take his censer and put incense in it, and each of you bring his censer before the LORD, two hundred and fifty censers; both you and Aaron, each [with] his censer."

Leviticus 10:16 NKJV - Then Moses made careful inquiry about the goat of the sin offering, and there it was--burned up. And he was angry with Eleazar and Ithamar, the sons of Aaron [who were] left, saying,

Leviticus 10:17 NKJV - "Why have you not eaten the sin offering in a holy place, since it [is] most holy, and [God] has given it to you to bear the guilt of the congregation, to make atonement for them before the LORD?

Leviticus 10:18 NKJV - "See! Its blood was not brought inside the holy [place]; indeed you should have eaten it in a holy [place], as I commanded."

Leviticus 10:19 NKJV - And Aaron said to Moses, "Look, this day they have offered their sin offering and their burnt offering before the LORD, and such things have befallen me! [If] I had eaten the sin offering today, would it have been accepted in the sight of the LORD?"

Leviticus 10:20 NKJV - So when Moses heard [that], he was content.

Nehemiah 5:4 NKJV - There were also those who said, "We have borrowed money for the king's tax [on] our lands and vineyards.

Nehemiah 5:5 NKJV - "Yet now our flesh [is] as the flesh of our brethren, our children as their children; and indeed we are forcing our sons and our daughters to be slaves, and [some] of our daughters have been brought into slavery. [It is] not in our power [to redeem them], for other men have our lands and vineyards."

Nehemiah 5:6 NKJV - And I became very angry when I heard their outcry and these words.

Nehemiah 5:7 NKJV - After serious thought, I rebuked the nobles and rulers, and said to them, "Each of you is exacting usury from his brother." So I called a great assembly against them.

Nehemiah 5:8 NKJV - And I said to them, "According to our ability we have redeemed our Jewish brethren who were sold to the nations. Now indeed, will you even sell your brethren? Or should they be sold to us?" Then they were silenced and found nothing [to say].

Nehemiah 5:9 NKJV - Then I said, "What you are doing [is] not good. Should you not walk in the fear of our God because of the reproach of the nations, our enemies?

Nehemiah 5:10 NKJV - "I also, [with] my brethren and my servants, am lending them money and grain. Please, let us stop this usury!

Nehemiah 5:11 NKJV - "Restore now to them, even this day, their lands, their vineyards, their olive groves, and their houses, also a hundredth of the money and the grain, the new wine and the oil, that you have charged them."

Nehemiah 5:12 NKJV - So they said, "We will restore [it], and will require nothing from them; we will do as you say." Then I called the priests, and required an oath from them that they would do according to this promise.

Nehemiah 13:23 NKJV - In those days I also saw Jews [who] had married women of Ashdod, Ammon, [and] Moab.

Nehemiah 13:24 NKJV - And half of their children spoke the language of Ashdod, and could not speak the language of Judah, but spoke according to the language of one or the other people.

Nehemiah 13:25 NKJV - So I contended with them and cursed them, struck some of them and pulled out their hair, and made them swear by God, [saying], "You shall not give your daughters as wives to their sons, nor take their daughters for your sons or yourselves.

Nehemiah 13:26 NKJV - "Did not Solomon king of Israel sin by these things? Yet among many nations there was no king like him, who was beloved of his God; and God made him king over all Israel. Nevertheless pagan women caused even him to sin.

1 Samuel 15:16 NKJV - Then Samuel said to Saul, "Be quiet! And I will tell you what the LORD said to me last night." And he said to him, "Speak on."

1 Samuel 15:26 NKJV - But Samuel said to Saul, "I will not return with you, for you have rejected the word of the LORD, and the LORD has rejected you from being king over Israel."

1 Samuel 15:27 NKJV - And as Samuel turned around to go away, [Saul] seized the edge of his robe, and it tore.

1 Samuel 15:28 NKJV - So Samuel said to him, "The LORD has torn the kingdom of Israel from you today, and has given it to a neighbor of yours, [who is] better than you.

1 Samuel 15:32 NKJV - Then Samuel said, "Bring Agag king of the Amalekites here to me." So Agag came to him cautiously. And Agag said, "Surely the bitterness of death is past."

1 Samuel 15:33 NKJV - But Samuel said, "As your sword has made women childless, so shall your mother be childless among women." And Samuel hacked Agag in pieces before the LORD in Gilgal.

Numbers 25:5 NKJV - So Moses said to the judges of Israel, "Every one of you kill his men who were joined to Baal of Peor."

Numbers 25:6 NKJV - And indeed, one of the children of Israel came and presented to his brethren a Midianite woman in the sight of Moses and in the sight of all the congregation of the children of Israel, who [were] weeping at the door of the tabernacle of meeting.

Numbers 25:7 NKJV - Now when Phinehas the son of Eleazar, the son of Aaron the priest, saw [it], he rose from among the congregation and took a javelin in his hand;

Numbers 25:8 NKJV - and he went after the man of Israel into the tent and thrust both of them through, the man of Israel, and the woman through her body. So the plague was stopped among the children of Israel.

2 Kings 13:19 NKJV — And the man of God was angry with him, and said, “You should have struck five or six times; then you would have struck Syria till you had destroyed [it!] But now you will strike Syria [only] three times.”

Did you notice what all these situations had in common?

It was zeal for God and His covenant that led them to be angry and to show that anger. It was never on their own behalf, and while they were angry, they did not act out of anger.

Nehemiah 5:7 NKJV - After serious thought, I rebuked the nobles and rulers, and said to them, "Each of you is exacting usury from his brother." So I called a great assembly against them.

Notice Nehemiah specifically took time to think before he responded to those who were taking advantage of their brothers in usury. Every time Nehemiah got angry, it was out of zeal for God. Every other example given here has that same dynamic, where it is zeal for God that angers them and spurs them to action.

There’s only one place where God explicitly gives His approval of human anger and zeal, and that is in the continuation of the story of Phinehas.

Numbers 25:11 NKJV - "Phinehas the son of Eleazar, the son of Aaron the priest, has turned back My wrath from the children of Israel, because he was zealous with My zeal among them, so that I did not consume the children of Israel in My zeal.

Numbers 25:12 NKJV - "Therefore say, 'Behold, I give to him My covenant of peace;

Numbers 25:13 NKJV - 'and it shall be to him and his descendants after him a covenant of an everlasting priesthood, because he was zealous for his God, and made atonement for the children of Israel.' "

David wrote the following words, which were also prophetic of our Messiah, Jesus, but they were also David’s words about himself.

Psalm 69:9 NKJV - Because zeal for Your house has eaten me up, And the reproaches of those who reproach You have fallen on me.

David was very zealous for God, and as a front runner for God’s way of life, many things fell on him that were intended for God. That’s because people don’t hate us for our own sake; they hate us because we serve the living God.

Exodus 16:8 NKJV - Also Moses said, "[This shall be seen] when the LORD gives you meat to eat in the evening, and in the morning bread to the full; for the LORD hears your complaints which you make against Him. And what [are] we? Your complaints [are] not against us but against the LORD."

John 15:18 NKJV - "If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before [it hated] you.

That’s something we have to remember when people come against us for our zeal and right teaching of the Word of God is that it is not really us they are upset with (as long as we’re sticking to the Bible, of course), it’s the one who delivered the Word in the first place—Yahowah.

So, even with being angry on God’s behalf, we cannot act out of that anger.

We tend to envision Jesus being boiling hot in anger when He drove the moneylenders out of the temple, but when you read all of the accounts of the event, it becomes pretty obvious that He was not acting out of anger or rage.

John 2:14 NASB95 - And He found in the temple those who were selling oxen and sheep and doves, and the money changers seated [at their tables.]

John 2:15 NASB95 - And He made a scourge of cords, and drove [them] all out of the temple, with the sheep and the oxen; and He poured out the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables;

John 2:16 NASB95 - and to those who were selling the doves He said, "Take these things away; stop making My Father's house a place of business."

John 2:17 NASB95 - His disciples remembered that it was written, "ZEAL FOR YOUR HOUSE WILL CONSUME ME."

The potential for a loss of control and sin is far too great to risk acting out of anger or wrath. As we’ll see, the kind of anger we are allowed to have is the slow-growing sort of anger, like the ripening fruit, not the explosive anger of a man who loses control of it.

We don’t need to worry about having to act out of anger because God will judge and take care of things far more justly and righteously than we ever could. Our job is to live peacefully without compromising the truth and not to avenge ourselves.

Rather, we give place to the wrath of God and we let Him sort it out.

Romans 12:18 LSV — If possible—so far as in you—with all men being in peace;

19 not avenging yourselves, beloved, but give place to the wrath, for it has been written: “Vengeance [is] Mine,

20 I will repay again, says the LORD”; if, then, your enemy hungers, feed him; if he thirsts, give him drink; for doing this, you will heap coals of fire on his head.

21 Do not be overcome by the evil, but overcome, in the good, the evil.

So, we are allowed to feel and even show anger on God’s behalf, and when there is injustice in the world, but we must never act on that anger. As Nehemiah did, we must stop and think before we act, giving ourselves a moment to cool and gain control of our temper.

Ephesians 4:26 NKJV - "Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath,

ὀργὴ

The anger we are allowed to feel is a slow anger we never act out of, and that soon fades away, not even lasting out the day. If we feel anger, then we are given a litmus test to determine whether or not it is righteous anger.

James 1:20 NKJV - for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

If we are angry and it’s from our own selves, it will not produce the righteousness of God. Righteous anger comes from zeal for God, and it produces the righteousness of God when we are acting in obedience to Him. Our own anger is not rooted in perfect justice like the wrath of God is, and even His fiery explosions of anger are perfectly founded in justice.

It’s always a bad idea to act because of the anger we feel rather than in obedient zeal for God.

Patience

How does patience fit into all of this?

Well, the word most commonly translated as patience in the New Testament is a fun word that carries over a meaning from the Hebrew word for patience.

Μακροθυμία

Patience, forbearance, long-suffering, slowness in avenging wrongs

Makrothemia is a word composed of two Greek words, makros and thymos, which mean long and wrath respectively. So the word, makrothemia, means long wrath.

Long wrath!

That’s why we spent so much time talking about anger and wrath, because patience is literally about putting your anger and wrath far away, or being slow to anger!

Slowness to anger is patience, or at least one aspect of it, and it is one of the character traits God Himself possesses.

Exodus 34:6 NKJV - And the LORD passed before him and proclaimed, "The LORD, the LORD God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abounding in goodness and truth,

In Hebrew, an idiom is used here for patience that, if translated literally, would mean long of nose. However, this is an idiom and not literal, and it means slow to anger, or long wrath, just as the Greek does.

My personal guess is that since someone with a long nose would have quiet breathing, it conveys the opposite of the nose anger we looked at earlier.

אֶ֥רֶךְ

Long

אַפַּ֖יִם

Nose

God is slow to anger, or long of wrath, and that is exactly how we are supposed to be. That’s what patience is in the Bible, and in the list of the fruit of the spirit, it’s long-wrath that is listed there as long-suffering.

Colossians 3:8 NKJV - But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth.

We put off anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, and filthy language, and we put on instead the works of the Spirit.

Colossians 3:12 NKJV - Therefore, as [the] elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering;

In order to be able to put off wrath and put on slowness to anger, we also have to be ready to forgive and bear each other’s burdens. We’ll get into the part forgiveness plays in all of this shortly, but forgiveness is a command, meaning it is not optional.

Colossians 3:13 NKJV - bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also [must do].

Being slow to anger requires us to be self-controlled, able to rule our own spirit. Self-control is a major fruit of the Spirit, and it plays a part in all the other fruits.

Proverbs 16:32 NKJV — [He who is] slow to anger [is] better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.

Proverbs 14:29 NKJV — [He who is] slow to wrath has great understanding, But [he who is] impulsive exalts folly.

Love and self-control are the two fruits that all the others must be tempered with, which makes it interesting that they are the bookends on the list. It begins with love and ends with self-control.

Galatians 5:22 LSV — And the fruit of the Spirit is: love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faith,

23 meekness, [and] self-control. Against such there is no law;

Being slow to anger isn’t simply about biting our tongue; it’s about walking in the spirit as children of God. It’s the opposite of walking in the flesh, which we read about earlier. If we are in Jesus, we have crucified our flesh and its desires and affections and put on the mind of Christ.

24 and those who are of Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with the affections and the desires;

25 if we may live in the Spirit, we may also walk in the Spirit;

26 let us not become vainglorious—provoking one another, envying one another!

Envying one another is an interesting item to include in that list, but it goes hand in hand with pride. If you are envying someone, it’s usually because you think you are better than they are and deserve whatever they have more than they do.

Solomon in Ecclesiastes tells us that pride is the opposite of being patient in Spirit. Someone who is full of pride is going to be easily angered, which is again the opposite of being slow to anger.

Ecclesiastes 7:8 NKJV — The end of a thing [is] better than its beginning; The patient in spirit [is] better than the proud in spirit.

In the very next verse, Solomon warns us about being quick to anger because anger rests in the bosom of fools. In other words, if you hang on to anger, you’re a fool.

Ecclesiastes 7:9 NKJV - Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry, For anger rests in the bosom of fools.

It’s directly tied to verse 8, where Solomon is talking about pride and patience, which is, of course, what patience is all about. So if we are patient, we are not going to be proud of heart, and thereby it will be easier for us to not hold on to anger. It’s very hard for someone with a lot of pride to repent (admitting they were wrong), ask for forgiveness, and even forgive others.

Psalm 101:5 NKJV - Whoever secretly slanders his neighbor, Him I will destroy; The one who has a haughty look and a proud heart, Him I will not endure.

David says he will destroy those who slander, and the one who is full of pride, he will not endure. People who have these qualities don’t even want to be around him. We find this is much the same sentiment God Himself has toward those who are prideful.

Proverbs 16:5 NKJV - Everyone proud in heart [is] an abomination to the LORD; [Though they join] forces, none will go unpunished.

An abomination is pretty serious!

Those who are abominations will not enter the kingdom of God!

As brothers, we are to be patient with everyone. We are ambassadors for the kingdom of God, which means we set the example for what it looks like to be a son of the Highest.

1 Thessalonians 5:14 NKJV — Now we exhort you, brethren, warn those who are unruly, comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all.

This trait is especially important for those men who are in leadership positions within the assembly. It’s the opposite of pride and being quick to anger.

2 Timothy 2:24 NKJV - And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient,

2 Timothy 2:25 NKJV - in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth,

2 Timothy 2:26 NKJV - and [that] they may come to their senses [and escape] the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to [do] his will.

Dealing With Someone Who Is Angry At Us

What if someone is angry and impatient with us?

How should we respond, and how should we go about mending things?

The answer is self-control, maintaining our own patience and calm spirit rather than giving way to wrath within ourselves. The calmer we are, the quicker the situation will de-escalate.

Proverbs 15:1 ESV - A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Proverbs 17:27 NKJV - He who has knowledge spares his words, [And] a man of understanding is of a calm spirit.

Something that is probably difficult for most of us to do is to not only be slow to anger, but to overlook a transgression. Minor things, sins against ourselves, are things we aren’t to hold against others.

Proverbs 19:11 NKJV - The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, And his glory [is] to overlook a transgression.

Steven, Jesus, and others, at the time of their own death, while being brutally murdered, managed not to hold it against those who killed them. They were even able to ask God not to hold it against those who were killing them!

How is that amazing feat possible?!

They were patient, slow to anger, and they forgave those who were actively sinning against them. Holding on to wrongs and hurts done to us by others, taking every little thing to heart, results in two things. First, bitterness and pride take root, then, when pride is full-grown, our destruction occurs because we can no longer be slow to anger.

Hebrews 12:15 NKJV - looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled;

A bitter root produces bitter fruit, and the bitterest fruit of them all is death.

Ephesians 4:31 NKJV - Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.

κακία

Malignity, malice, ill-will, desire to injure

A desire to repay and take vengeance on others is the last step of bitterness. Before that, we’ll slander, we’ll be angry, we’ll stir up trouble, and finally, we come to the point where we plot a way to get even.

We plan out our vengeance.

James 1:15 NKJV - Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.

It's talking about ungodly desire contrary to God's way of life. In our context, it's an ungodly desire to get even or to get vengeance; this will then give birth to sin, and it will bring about our death. We can see this demonstrated in Genesis chapter 4:5 with the story of Cain.

Genesis 4:5 LSV - and to Cain and to his present He has not looked; and it is very displeasing to Cain, and his countenance is fallen.

6 And YHWH says to Cain, “Why do you have displeasure? And why has your countenance fallen?

7 Is there not, if you do well, acceptance? And if you do not do well, sin [[or a sin-offering]] is lying at the opening, and its [[or His]] desire [is] for you, and you rule over it [[or by Him]].”

8 And Cain says to his brother Abel, [[“Let us go into the field”;]] and it comes to pass in their being in the field, that Cain rises up against his brother Abel, and slays him.

Cain killed Abel because he couldn't let it go. He couldn't let go of his malice toward Abel and his bitterness toward his own brother, and look where it got him.

Forgiveness isn't easy, but we can't hold things against our brothers and sisters. We can't allow bitterness and anger to take hold in our lives, especially toward our brothers and sisters in Christ!

If we allow the root of bitterness to remain in our lives because we weren't able to exercise patience, and we continue to hold things against our brothers and sisters in Christ, it will poison our relationship with them and poison every aspect of our lives.

When I was younger, I planted a pea garden in my windowsill, and one of my cousins wanted to help out with it. It was a wonderful little garden all my own, and it grew quickly. I was really proud of that pea garden, and I appreciated the help from my cousin.

Well, as time went on, all of a sudden, this cousin started claiming that the pea garden was hers and she'd planted it. She wanted to have it all for herself.

Well, now I couldn't stand for that, of course, and we had a whole kerfuffle over it. Eventually, the parents got involved, and I got a butt whooping. My cousin got the pea garden because they believed her story more than they did mine.

I held that against her for a long time. I let it color my relationship with my cousin for over 10 years, to the point that I spread the story of the pea garden and slandered this cousin's reputation as a liar at every opportunity. Fast forward 10 years, when I saw this cousin again for the first time, I found I was still holding the fact that she lied and stole my pea garden against her 10 years later!

I found I still had a root of bitterness that I had to let go of, which had poisoned more relationships than just this one. I had to forgive her. Which was not easy after all, because she stole my pea garden and lied about it!

Everything that happened could have been avoided with a little patience.

As stupid as that story is, and as stupid a little thing to get worked up about as that pea garden was, are the things we hold against our brothers and sisters today any less stupid?

A mean word, a slight, an offense, or even a grievous wound?

As followers of God, we'll allow stupid little things like this to come between us and our brothers and sisters in Christ. We'll hold things against them and allow the root of bitterness to take root in our lives.

We will sacrifice patience for anger and bitterness, and we will not show mercy or forgive.

Brothers and sisters, if we do this and we do not let our bitterness go, and if we continue to hang on to the hurts and grievances of the past, the Bible is very clear!

We will not be in the Kingdom!

The matter of patience and forgiveness is literally a matter of life and death!

Whose responsibility is it to go to the other one if they hurt us?

Whose responsibility is it to go to the other person when we hurt them?

The answer is the same for both.

It's our responsibility, whether they hurt us or whether we hurt them, to go to them and rectify the situation. It’s on each one of us as individuals to go to the other person, whether we wronged them or they wronged us.

Matthew 5:23 NKJV - "Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you,

Matthew 5:24 NKJV - "leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

In the level of priorities, Jesus is saying that settling a matter with a brother is of greater importance and urgency than worshipping God! If we know someone has something against us, it is of the utmost priority that we go to our brother and get things straightened out.

Luke 17:3 NKJV - "Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.

Luke 17:4 NKJV - "And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, 'I repent,' you shall forgive him."

If it’s against you that he has sinned, then you need to go to him about it, too. If he repents, forgive him, even if he needs it seven times in the same day.

Ideally, when a wrong is committed, the two people should meet each other on the way to each other's houses on their way to make up and be ready to forgive or seek forgiveness from the other person.

Are we still waiting to seek to forgive someone until they come to us with an apology? Have we gone to them about it yet?

Leviticus 19:17 NKJV — ‘You shall not hate your brother in your heart. You shall surely rebuke your neighbor, and not bear sin because of him.

Leviticus 19:18 NKJV — ‘You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the children of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I [am] the LORD.

Whether they ask for forgiveness or not, we must not bear a grudge, and we must not hate our brother in our hearts, whether we act on it or not. We are supposed to let things go and seek reconciliation.

What is the consequence if we don't seek reconciliation and an opportunity to forgive?

Mark 11:25 NKJV — “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.

Mark 11:26 NKJV — “But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.”

Our own sins will not be forgiven!

If we go a step beyond and harbor a grudge, allowing a grudge to remain in our hearts, then bitterness will grow from that, and we will not enter the kingdom.

Colossians 3:12 NKJV — Therefore, as [the] elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering;

Colossians 3:13 NKJV — bearing with one another, and freely pardoning one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ freely pardoned you, so you also [must do.]

Bitterness and grievances cannot be allowed to stand between brothers and sisters, and they won’t if we are putting on the things in the first part of that list.

In that list, there’s a character trait that could have avoided all of the drama and grudges in the first place. There’s one thing that would have ensured neither party was offended, or that the offense was cleared up swiftly.

All of it can be avoided if we are simply patient in the first place. If we are slow to anger, slow to take offense, and slow to get irritated, then peace will abound.

The root of bitterness takes root in the first place because we were not patient, and we were instead angry and wrathful. We were quick to anger, quick to hold things against people, and slow to show mercy and be patient. Patience means we won’t just try to reconcile with our brother or sister once, we’ll try over and over again until we are certain we have fully exhausted that option.

When we’ve exhausted that option, we’ll take brothers or sisters with us to confront them and attempt reconciliation, and finally, if all else fails and they still refuse to repent, we turn them loose from the Assembly.

It’s a sobering process, but the common response is to skip straight to avoiding them and refusing to talk to them, because it is what is easiest.

That’s the wrong response.

What’s even easier than shunning them is never allowing it to get to that point in the first place. If we have a proper and patient response, most offenses just disappear.

When someone yells at us, we give a soft answer. (Proverbs 15:1)

If someone repeatedly offends us, we overlook it and turn the other cheek. (Proverbs 19:11)

If our temper begins to flare, we take a moment or leave if we need to in order to put off our wrath. (Proverbs 14:29 and 22:24)

Patience and love are the keys to our relationships with our brothers and sisters in Christ, and everything we do toward them must be done out of love for them. The instructions given for reconciliation, patience, self-control, and the whole lot will not work if we are doing it grudgingly and not because we care for the person and the relationship we have with them.

Giving way to anger, the opposite of patience, is not in our wheelhouse as Christians. We should never act from anger, let alone lose control to it. Wrath and vengeance belong to God, not us.

Those who give way to outbursts of anger will not be in the kingdom of God.

In all patience, let us seek to end the bitterness and grudges we bear toward one another and, as Christ forgave us, so let us also do for each other.

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